


The Curious Captain Kirk

by tooberjoober



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, other characters included just not added because I’m lazy, starts during episode 21
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-08-02 22:45:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 30,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16314056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooberjoober/pseuds/tooberjoober
Summary: After Spock makes a brief comment about a Vulcan practice, Jim begins to become increasingly more curious about the Vulcan culture and in particular, Mr. Spock.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I’m pretty new around here, so I don’t know if all the terms I’m using/background info is correct. So I’m just gonna say fuck it and it’s minor AU. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! Let me know if you do!

“Mr. Spock.” Jim beckoned his friend over as he gazed out the window of their rented room at the chaos of the ‘festival’ outside. “What do you make of these festivities?” He asked softly. 

”Well,” Spock tilted his head slightly, observing the scene. “It seems the betans take this time to ritually perform dangerous and sexual behaviors. Perhaps a time when all is permitted by their ‘lawgivers.’ It is most curious Captain.” 

”Are there any other societies you know of that perform rituals like this?” Jim asked, looking over at Spock. 

”The closest equivalent would be…” Spock shifted uncomfortably. “The Vulcan practice of Pon Farr. But that is on a much smaller scale, and usually the Vulcans remain much more composed compared to the chaos outside.” He sped through his explanation. “And of course Pon Farr is…biological. This does not appear to be so.” In the low lighting of the crowded room, Jim swore that Spock looked greener than usual. He made a mental note to search for more information on this ‘Pon Farr’ later, for his own curiosity and for the sake of Mr. Spock. He did wish to be as informed on Vulcan needs as he could be. 

Jim glanced around at their companions to find them all asleep in the bunk beds provided. This however, posed a slight issue. Jim clapped Spock on the back. “Mr. Spock, you go rest. I’m going to be up for a bit longer.” He turned his gaze back out to the streets, not seeing the slight downward tilt of Spock’s eyebrows, the only indication of his thought process. 

”Captain, you are aware that Vulcans need less rest. I have no need for a bed. If I decide to rest, I may meditate on the floor.” Spock explained, a very long insistance that Jim take the bed. 

”Mr. Spock, really, I’m the Captain. I’m on the job, you rest.” He insisted. 

”All due respect Captain, I believe you are more in need of it than I am.” Spock returned. 

”Because of my frail human physique, right?” Jim quirked an eyebrow. 

”I would not have said such unless pressed, but yes.” Spock nodded. 

Jim chuckled. “If I thought we’d both fit up there I’d tell you to join me.” He shook his head, walking towards the bed. 

”Would that not be inappropriate?” Spock questioned. 

Jim waved a hand dismissively as he climbed the ladder to the top bunk. “I’ve been in situations where I’ve had to share a bed with three other people just to save room. We were packed in there like a can of sardines and it wasn’t comfortable, but hell, it was the only option.” He threw a blanket over himself, resting his head on his arm. “You wake me up in three hours, alright Mr. Spock? Then I’ll let you take the cot.” Jim said, letting his eyes fall closed. 

”Yes, sir.” Spock nodded an affirmative, while Jim drifted off to sleep. 

* * *

The next morning was a whirlwind of lawgivers and daring escapes and ultimately, capture. Jim came to consciousness in a seat carved out of the stone, Spock close beside him.

”It appears we did end up sharing a sleeping space, Captain.” Spock quipped, raising a slight eyebrow. 

Jim has to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying “Not in the way I’d prefer.” Though the thought of Spock’s response gives him the smallest bit of pleasure. “Do you have your phaser Mr. Spock?” He responds. 

”It does not appear so, Captain.” Spock said, pushing himself out of the alcove and walking through the cave-like prison they’ve found themselves in. 

McCoy was taken from the prison and returned like many of the Betans they had seen before. Then Jim was taken. 

Spock paced around the cave, his mind whirring, calculating the odds of their escape. It seemed terribly unlikely. He held his hands tightly behind his back, masking his growing concern. Jim returned. Spock’s face relaxed as he noted Jim was acting like one of the Betans. But it was only an act. If Spock believed in luck…Jim Kirk would have been the luckiest man alive.

Jim’s eyes met Spock’s and he spoke in a hushed tone. “Will you be alright with it? The deception? I’ve heard Vulcans never lie.” He quirked an eyebrow. 

”Vulcans find it difficult to lie. With reason, I can…deceive.” Spock said, his eyes flickering to the suspicious doctor. 

”Right, right.” Jim nodded. “I’ll see you in a moment, Mr. Spock.” Jim said as the lawgivers returned for Spock. 

With the assistance of two of the Betans, the crew was able to overthrow the robotic Landru. They returned to the Enterprise, fatigued, but grateful that those who had become “of the body” were back to their old selves. 

As the main crew was relieved from duty, Jim approached his first officer. “Mr. Spock, care to join me for dinner in the mess hall?” 

The request was not unusual. Jim liked to promote familiarity among his crew. Jim often said the crew was akin to his family. Mr. Spock had even begun to view him as a friend. And he did enjoy their shared meals. Discussions of various historical, scientific, and cultural interests, interrupted on occasion by various crew members, asking questions or engaging in various pleasantries. Spock preferred to spend his evenings in a calmer environment, but he found the constant chatter and engagement of the mess hall endearing, to say the least. 

”Of course, Captain.” Spock nodded, his hands held behind his back as he followed Jim into the lift and down to the mess hall. 

They arrived and both replicated their meals. They sat in a table a little out of the way. Off to the side, so the interruptions would be fewer than if they sat in the middle. 

Spock set down his tray, settled himself in his chair and started speaking. “What would you like to discuss this evening, Captain?” He asked, taking a napkin and placing it over his lap. “Recent events, a new historical fixation-“ 

”I was thinking culture.” Jim immediately supplied, raising a glass to his lips, but maintaining eye contact with Spock. For a moment the actions alongside his words have Spock pause, but before he was able to comment Jim spoke again. “More specifically, Vulcan culture.” He said, placing his glass on the table. “You see Mr. Spock, it came to my attention back on Beta three that I know only the basics of Vulcan culture, the necessities. You brought up a Vulcan practice and frankly I’m a little embarrassed to admit I had never heard of it before.” 

Spock shifted slightly in his seat. “There is good reason for it, Captain. The ritual I mentioned is not one often spoken of.” 

”I see…” Jim noted. He was no closer to understanding, but from Spock’s tone of voice, this seemed to be a practice of some measure of secrecy. He didn’t want to push. 

”Although if there are other less…sensitive aspects of Vulcan culture you have questions about, I would be happy to answer them.” Spock continued. 

Jim nodded, picking thoughtfully at his food. The thought came to mind, despite the fact that he considered Spock a friend, he knew very little about his past. He tilted his head, looking at the Vulcan with a newfound curiosity. “Spock…what was your childhood like on Vulcan?” 

Spock looked slightly taken aback. He looked down at his hands, placed carefully together on his lap. “It was…like many childhoods on Vulcan, I suppose.” He shifted slightly, his eyebrows knitting together in a nearly imperceptible way. 

Jim noticed Spock’s discomfort and nodded. “My childhood was…about the same for a child on Earth I suppose.” He chuckled. “I spent my childhood tinkering with the gadgets and old radios my father left behind. My brother, Sam, and I were always at each other’s throats. Nearly drove our mom crazy. When I got a bit older I’d help her out some on the farm. And then I went to the academy.” Jim spoke more at length about his childhood, Iowa, his brother. Nothing too in depth or personal, so not as to make Mr. Spock uncomfortable, but enough that maybe next time he’d consider sharing a bit more. 

Spock seemed more at ease listening to Jim talk about his past. Had he closed his eyes, he swore he could have seen Jim in the fields of corn. Something about it seemed right. The Captain, with his golden hair and his golden shirt, in fields of corn turned gold in the daylight. It was a beautiful thought, perfectly congruous. “I think I should like to visit Iowa one day.” Spock noted as the two prepared to part. It would be fascinating, to see if the Captain did match the fields, as Spock hypothesized.

Jim chuckled. “I’m not so sure you’d enjoy it, Mr. Spock. There’s nothing very fascinating there.” He said as they entered the lift. 

Spock did not voice his disagreement. As the lift lowered them down to their quarters, Jim spoke once again. “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable with talk of rituals or the past, Mr. Spock.” He spoke softly and carefully. 

Spoke shook his head slightly. “No, Captain. I felt minimal discomfort and I found it fascinating to hear about your childhood.” 

”Fascinating, huh?” Jim quirked an eyebrow. “One of these days I’ll figure out whether that’s a good or bad thing.” He said, eyeing Spock suspiciously. 

”It depends on the case.” Spock responded, a corner of his mouth turning upwards ever so slightly, a silent victory for Jim. 

”I see…” Jim rubbed his chin dramatically as the two arrived at his quarters. “Well, you’ll have to explain to me what kind of fascinating I am, tomorrow, Mr. Spock.” Jim offered him a cheesy grin, slapping him on the shoulder as he took the step into his quarters. 

”A good sort of fascinating, Captain.” Spock assured him with the closest amalgamation of a smile. 

”That’s what I like to hear.” Jim returned as the doors slid shut. He went about his usual night routine, but his eyes kept drifting to his PADD. He had grown extremely curious about the ritual that Spock had mentioned then refused to explain. He was very curious. He sat down in his bed, once he had taken off his uniform, and grabbed the PADD off of the bedside table. He then began his research into Vulcan traditions, namely Pon Farr.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bumped up the rating, even though I probably didn’t have to. Better safe than sorry lol. Anyways hope you enjoy!

Jim felt uncomfortable. He had meant to only do a quick reading on this ritual, then go to sleep. But he kept rereading the article he found over and over again. There wasn’t much out there on the subject, but the article did more than answer his question. It also gave him several more. 

His face was red and he felt a sense of deja vu. It was like he was a kid again and he had just learned about sex. Then looking around he realized just about every adult he knew had probably slept with someone. Every authority figure, every celebrity, even politicians. Of course it made sense, but still he was shocked if only for a moment. 

As he laid in his bed, trying to sleep, Jim imagined what a Vulcan in Pon Farr would look like. ‘Hello, yes, I believe it would be most logical for us to get it on.’ 

‘Indeed, I believe it will be most satisfactory if we were to fuck.’ Even though it was childish, Jim couldn’t help but snicker like an twelve year old. He knew that (probably) wasn’t how they would act, but it was the best idea he had and probably the closest he’d ever come, unless Vulcan porn was a thing. And he sincerely doubted that, though he would be interested if it was. Purely out of curiosity. Maybe he could ask- 

Jim’s thought stopped in it’s tracks. Spock. Spock had been embarrassed to talk about Pon Farr. Jim paused once again. He wondered briefly if Spock had ever…been in it. The idea…oddly didn’t make him as uncomfortable as it should have. Spock was an attractive man and Jim was sure he had his pick of any Vulcan (or several non-Vulcans if he so decided), although he doubted Spock had ever done anything like that. 

Spock was too guarded and stoic. For a relationship of a romantic or sexual nature he’d have to let down his walls. He’d have to show some emotion. He’d have to have a connection with the person. A special bond. And well…he was only just beginning to form the simplest of friendships with some of the crew. 

Of course, maybe Jim was wrong and Spock had someone waiting for him back on Vulcan. But he couldn’t imagine that. He couldn’t believe Spock would just leave them to traverse the galaxy. Maybe he just didn’t want to believe it. 

Jim looked at Spock a little differently the next day. He took more notice of the interactions he had with the different crew members. Even when he wasn’t thinking about it, his eyes drifted to Spock more than he thought he normally did. Of course, maybe he just hadn’t paid attention to it before. He didn’t know why this realization was affecting him in this way. He knew Vulcans had romantic and sexual relationships, he had just never connected Spock to it. But now he had and there was no going back. 

”Captain.” Spock approached Jim, as their shift was drawing to a close. “It was fortunate that there was no trouble today. You seem rather distracted.” 

”Did I? I um…” His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “I hadn’t noticed.” Jim avoided Spock’s gaze, worrying he’d find accusation or worse, a realization. 

Spock raised an eyebrow. “You seem a bit stressed, Captain. Perhaps you’d like to join me in a game of chess this evening.” He suggested. 

Jim thought about it for a moment. Maybe that was what he needed. Sort of like immersion therapy. By spending more time with him, he’d get over the strangeness of it faster. He nodded. “Yes, Mr. Spock. I think I’d quite enjoy that.” He offered him a smile, but it wasn’t the same as his usual smile. 

Spock took notice. Normally Jim’s smile could light up a room, but this was a faint smile, barely a flickering candle. Spock’s eyebrows knitted together slightly and the corner of his mouth turned downwards. Something was really troubling the Captain. Spock nodded. “Shall we meet in my quarters in an hour?” 

Jim froze slightly. He felt his pulse begin to pick up speed although there was nothing out of the usual about this suggestion. They usually played in one of their quarters. It was easier to go next door instead of down to the rec room. Besides it allowed them more quiet for conversation and concentration on the game. Jim rubbed the back of his neck, convincing himself it would be more unusual if he refused. “Uh yeah, sure. That sounds great.” He glanced up at Spock. 

Spock’s frown changed from imperceptible to almost noticeable. What gave the Captain such long pause? Was it related to the matter troubling him? He decided to question Jim during their game. He knew that talking about issues could often give humans relief. So it was only logical to attempt to help relieve his Captain of this trouble. 

Jim arrived at Spock’s door a little less than an hour later. He pressed the comm button. “Hey Spock, I know I’m a little early I just-“ 

“I expected your earliness, Captain.” Spock responded as the door opened. “One moment please.” He walked over to the other side of the room and pulled a bottle out of a cabinet. “Would you like some Andorian brandy?” He asked. “Dr. McCoy gave it to me once in the hopes of seeing me intoxicated.” 

”Vulcans don’t drink.” Jim noted, sitting in front of the chess set. 

”He was unaware at the time.” Spock shrugged. “I save it for when I have visitors that I believe would enjoy it.” 

Jim looked at the bottle a little suspiciously. He shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the idea of drinking in Spock’s room. “Ah, no thank you.” He shook his head. “I’d rather not be the only one drinking.” He offered a nervous sort of smile. 

Spock frowned slightly, nodding as he put the bottle away. “Of course, of course. Is there anything else I could get for you?” 

”I’m fine, Spock, thank you.” Jim forced out a chuckle. “Let’s just play the game.” 

”Right.” Spock responded, striding over to the table and sitting across from Jim. They played in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. The air was tense and even though Spock didn’t understand why, he did feel it. “Captain…you seemed rather troubled earlier today. And still a bit troubled now, as a matter of fact. Might I ask what it is that is distressing you? I know humans often find comfort in being listened to.” He quickly excused his actions as being the logical course. 

Jim caught this and a small, fond smile crossed his face. “It’s nothing important Mr. Spock.” He insisted, gesturing with a pawn he had just captured. “Besides discussing the topic may cause…discomfort for one or both of us.” 

”I assure you, Captain, there are few topics that cause me sufficient discomfort that you should avoid discussing them.” Spock responded, capturing a knight. 

”Well…if you insist.” Jim cleared his throat, shifting in his seat and glancing away. “I um…took it upon myself to research Pon Farr last night.” He glanced up at Spock who had seemingly frozen in place, his face a shade greener than before. 

”Ah.” Was Spock’s only response. For a long moment, nothing happened, all was silent save for the whir of the ship around them. Then Spock spoke again. “And this caused you…distress?” 

Jim face reddened. “Oh no, no, of course not!” He exclaimed. “You see I just hadn’t expected anything like that and so…it’s just a little startling ya know?” 

Spock nodded, seemingly avoiding Jim’s gaze. “I had assumed you would find the practice distasteful.” 

“No, I didn’t find it distasteful!” Jim insisted quickly, his cheeks flaming redder. “It just made me look at you in a new light!” He tried to excuse himself, then realized as soon as he said it that it did not sound good. 

Spock’s eyebrows furrowed together. “I’m not sure I understand.” If he had had a better grasp on human culture, he might have thought that Jim was trying to proposition him.

”No, I mean…” Jim trailed off. “Give me a moment to think of how to word it.” He requested. 

”Normally you are much better at improvisation.” Spock noted, amusement coloring his face. 

”Well you’re a bit more difficult to read than most people.” Jim forced out a chuckle. He took a deep breath before he spoke again. “Vulcan culture is…fascinating. And the repression of emotions makes it easy to forget that they are also in want of romantic and sexual relationships.” Jim paused again. “Like when I was a child and I first learned about romance realized it was something that most adults experienced.” 

Spock looked thoughtful for a moment. “I suppose I understand. Although I find it a bit odd that this would prove such a distraction to you.” 

Jim averted his gaze. “Well…we humans do tend to react illogically.” He cleared his throat. “I believe it’s your move, Mr. Spock.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray new chapter! Thanks for all the kudos, hope you enjoy and if you do let me know! This one skips ahead to episode 24.

Jim knew something was wrong. Spock was acting very unusual. Saying he didn’t want to tell Jim where he was. It sent a wave of worry through Jim. This sort of behavior was unheard of from Spock, Jim had to find him. He may very well be kidnapped and in danger by now. Jim began tracking his friend’s position and tried to calm himself as he searched for the Vulcan. 

It didn’t take too long for Jim to find Spock. And if he hadn’t been so worried, and if the scene hadn’t been so unusual, he would have found it quite charming. Spock was hanging upside down from a tree and laughing. A wide smile that Jim had never seen before was on his face. 

”Spock…Mr. Spock…” Jim said, approaching the tree. Spock hopped down and Jim could do nothing but stare. That smile…it was beautiful and it made something ache in Jim’s chest, although he didn’t know why. But there was also something unnatural to it, something wrong about it. “You were told to report to me at once.” Jim said, finally tearing his eyes away from that smile to meet Spock’s gaze. 

”I did not want to, Jim.” Spock responded, with a glance to the woman beside him. 

Jim stiffened slightly, yes it was only his name, but Spock never said his name. It sent an unwarranted chill down his spine and Jim knew there was something wrong. He took a deep breath to steady himself before he spoke again. “We need to evacuate, Mr. Spock.” 

“There’ll be no evacuation, Jim. But we should go back and get you straightened out.” Spock said with a gesture of his hand. 

Even despite the tension of the situation, Jim couldn’t stop himself from quipping, “I’m sure that’ll prove to be a difficult endeavor.” He wondered briefly if he had ever explicitly come out to Spock. It was no secret on the ship that Jim was pansexual, but Vulcans aren’t as well versed in human social norms. Before Jim had time to ponder it further he was pulled along to a group of plants that spat pollen at the party. And then Jim was the only one acting normal anymore. 

* * *

Spock was going to make one last attempt at getting the Captain to stay at the colony. “Join us Jim, please.” He looked up at his Captain, his best friend. Yes he could admit that now. He cared for the Captain more than almost anything. “It won’t truly be paradise without you here, Jim.” He said, reaching out and touching his wrist.

Jim jerked his hand out of reach. His heart beat hard in his chest, but he shook his head. “I’m going back to the ship.” For the first time since they arrived on this damned planet, Jim had been tempted. It wasn’t the empty offers of happiness or health, it was Spock. Spock seemed happy here in a way Jim had never seen, had never known was possible. It almost felt unfair for him to try to take it away. But was it even real happiness? 

He walked through the ship alone, trying to think of how he could get his crew back. Then he was hit by the spores. And Jim was happy. Like he had never been happy before. He felt free in a way that he’d never been allowed. He felt like he could go and be happy. He felt like he could tell Spock how much his friendship meant. “I’ve joined you. I understand.” He could imagine Spock’s smile on the other end of the line as he began to pack up his things. 

As he packed, the happiness was pushed out by anger and frustration and Jim realized it wasn’t true happiness that had overtaken him. He also realized how to undo the spell the spores had cast. Jim almost didn’t want to do what he knew he had to. 

He called Spock onto the Enterprise, his heart already pounding with what he had to do. Jim hated the words and insults he spat at Spock. He hated himself for saying them, he hated himself for taking Spock’s happiness away. He hated it. He felt like he deserved the bruises that had certainly begun to form by the end of the altercation. 

Then plans were in motion to return the rest of the crew and the colony to their former selves. Leila called to Spock. He told her to join him aboard, guilt weighing heavily on his stomach. She knew he was no longer with them. And soon she wasn’t either. “We couldn’t have anything together there, we couldn’t have anything together anywhere else.” 

”Maybe that is part of it Leila.” Spock responded quietly. Spock wasn’t sure if he had loved her. Love was difficult enough to define on its own. Under the spores he felt…obligated to return her feelings. Now there wasn’t love so much as guilt. “I have a responsibility to this ship. To that man on the bridge. I am what I am.” When Vulcans loved, they loved deeply, thoroughly, and devotedly. A bond with a Vulcan was not formed lightly, and was certainly not formed in a day. But it was nice for Spock, to love lightly, without worry. 

”Mister Spock,” Jim said, “We haven’t heard much from you about Omicron Ceti Three.” He commented, almost nervous about what Spock would say. 

“I have little to say about it, Captain.” Spock said, as solemn and emotionless as always. “Except that for the first time in my life I think I was happy.” 

The words shot right through Jim’s heart. He looked at his First Officer, his best friend, and felt more guilt than he had ever known. For a moment he didn’t speak. “Um…Mr. Spock, how would you like a game of chess after our shift? As an apology for the things I had to say to you today.” For the things he had to do that day. 

”I think that would be most pleasant,” Spock nodded. “Thank you, Captain.” 

Jim nodded back. There wasn’t much time until their shift ended, but maybe he could think of something special to do or have for Spock. He was wracked by guilt. He wished Spock drank. Or that he had a favorite food that Jim knew of. He did have a few sweets and delicacies he had been saving, from different shore leaves. Perhaps there was something Spock would find enjoyable. 

He returned to his quarters, looking around. He had hidden a freezer in the back of his closet. Not much bigger than a drawer. There wasn’t much use for it with the replicators on board, but Jim did like to save things for special occasions. He didn’t have much left. It had been a while since his last day ashore. He found a few small various sweets and drinks, nothing too grand or fancy. Probably nothing that would interest Spock. Then he saw it.

“Oh yes.” Jim smiled victoriously, pulling out a plate of his mother’s dark chocolate fudge. He saved it for particularly difficult days or missions, and if this didn’t count, then he didn’t know what would. Of course there wasn’t very much left. But he was sure he’d get a chance to get some more soon. 

”Captain? I’m here.” Jim heard Spock’s voice through the communicator. 

”Come in, Mr. Spock! I’ll be right there.” Jim called. “Make yourself comfortable.” He walked over to the replicator, creating two glasses of water. 

Spock had come in and sat down in front of a chess board. He had begun setting up the game when he spotted Jim carrying the glasses of water. He placed them both on the table, then returned for the plate with the fudge, which he had cut into two pieces. 

”Captain?” Spock raised an eyebrow. 

”It’s my mother’s old recipe for fudge.” Jim began. “Now, it may just seem like human sentimentality, but it’s something I look forward to each time I get back on earth. Or somewhere with a decent kitchen. While we’re up here, I try to save it for days or missions that have been particularly difficult on me. Even though I suppose it’s only a placebo, it never fails to brighten my mood.” He paused. “And with today’s…difficulties and my own actions. I feel like it’s a good apology.” 

Spock nodded, looking at the plate. “I’m honored, Captain. Although…I don’t believe I should participate. Even if I were intent on becoming intoxicated, I’d rather not be the only one.” Spock responded.

”Intoxicated?” Jim raised an eyebrow. “Spock…it’s only a brownie.” 

”Yes, Captain.” Spock nodded. “Chocolate has the same effect on Vulcans as alcohol has on you.” 

Jim’s face reddened slightly. “Is that so? I’m sorry Mr. Spock…I was unaware. I had only wanted to do something nice after-“ 

”As I said, Captain. I will not be the only one becoming intoxicated.” Spock interrupted with a tilt of his head. “Should I get the Andorian brandy?” 

A smile slowly spread across Jim’s face. “If that’s what you’d like to do, Spock. Then by all means.” 

”I’ll be back in a moment, Captain.” Spock said, getting out of the chair and walking back towards his quarters. 

Jim moved the board off of the table and grabbed two glasses. He felt a bit anxious at the idea of getting drunk with Spock. It was almost exhilarating. Spock returned a minute later with a bottle of dark brown liquid. He poured two glasses. 

”You’re drinking too?” Jim raised an eyebrow. 

”It does not affect me, but I can still drink it and I can appreciate the taste.” Spock responded. 

”Well then,” Jim lifted his glass. “Cheers Mr. Spock.” 

”Cheers, Captain.” Spock lifted his glass to Jim’s. 

For a moment they did nothing but drink and eat in silence. Then Jim asked the question that had been burning his mind for hours. “Did you really love her, Spock?” He said it softly, almost as if he was afraid of the answer. He avoided Spock’s gaze. There was no reason for him to want the answer to this question so desperately. Yet he needed it. 

Spock swallowed a bite of fudge and returned the piece to the plate before he spoke. “I don’t think so.” He looked down at the table. “I think…it was the ability. The fact that I felt I could love someone without feeling guilt or having to hide it.” 

A weight seemed to be lifted from Jim’s shoulders. “Was it really…the only time you’ve ever been happy?” He asked. 

”A bit of an overstatement I suppose…” Spock said. “But again it was happiness without having to conceal it.” 

Jim nodded. He took another sip of his drink. “Mr. Spock, if you had been given the choice-“ 

”I would’ve chosen you and the ship, every time, Captain.” Spock responded immediately. 

Jim felt his heart skip a beat as he kept his gaze on his glass. “When we’re alone, you’re allowed to call me Jim, Spock.” 

Spock was slightly taken aback by the request, but he nodded slowly. “If that is what you prefer…Jim.” He said it hesitantly, almost shyly. 

Jim’s face felt warm and his heart beat sped up. “Spock.” He smiled warmly. They held each other’s gaze for a moment. Jim felt like time had stopped for that moment. Warmth spread through his chest.

Spock quickly averted his gaze, picking the brownie back up and taking another bite. Jim took a long swig of his drink. Spock was the one that spoke up first. “It hadn’t really been paradise anyhow.” He murmured. “It didn’t feel right without you there.” 

Jim smiled, looking down at his hands. “I…I’m honored Spock. I do hope you know how much your friendship means to me.” 

Spock nodded, looking down. “I believe I do.” 

”I know Vulcans aren’t particularly expressive or good at reading emotions, but I really hope you know-“ 

”I think I understand, Jim.” Spock said, his voice hard. He seemed to be trying to stop where the conversation was going.

”Right, sorry.” Jim nodded, pouring himself another glass. “If I cross any boundaries, tell me.” 

”I will make it known, Jim.” Spock nodded, finishing off the fudge. “Should we start the game?” 

Jim nodded, pulling the board back out. “Let’s play.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I got an idea for the next chapter and started working on it about halfway through, so if it seems like I sorta lost steam, it’s more that the steam was transferred lmao. Hope you enjoy and if you do let me know!

“Mr. Spock, she really liked those ears?” Jim asked with an amused tilt of his head. 

Spock was very nearly offended at the question. “Captain, the Horta is an incredibly intelligent and sensitive creature with impeccable taste.” He responded. 

Jim fought back a chuckle at Spock’s defense. “I see. Of course.” Of course Jim would be lying if he said he didn’t understand the appeal. He did have a sort of fondness for those pointed ears. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d thought of poking or flicking those ears, among other things. He wondered the reaction he’d get. He’d been wondering a great many things about Spock as of late. Wondering…imagining…dreaming. Then subsequently being made uncomfortable about where his own mind had gone without his permission. 

Jim was well aware of his tendency towards…flings and infatuations. The flings weren’t always his idea and they were often necessities. Yes, Jim Kirk was quite the expert of fucking himself out of trouble. But when he developed feelings…actual real feelings for someone…he was less adept. Of course he assumed this was probably just a passing fancy. It wasn’t exactly unusual for him to develop crushes on his friends. He had dreams about more than one of his friends back in the academy.

And Jim wasn’t an idiot. Spock was considered one of the most attractive officers on board, second only to Uhura. Every new officer interested in men first was terrified by Spock, and then most developed crushes on him. Sometimes the two occurred simultaneously. During his first few months on board, Sulu volunteered to work with Spock at every opportunity. There was a point where he had begun to create a bouquet out of clippings from the botany lab. Luckily he had gotten over Spock and the embarrassment fairly quickly.

“Jim?” Spock approached Jim as he began the walk off of the bridge. 

”Hm? What is it Mr. Spock?” Jim responded, looking back at his friend. 

”Captain, I was wondering if I may suggest a game of chess this evening?” Spock requested as the pair stepped onto the lift. 

Jim avoided his gaze. “No…not tonight, Spock. Maybe tomorrow.” 

”Oh.” Was Spock’s only response. The Captain has seemed rather distant lately. He had been avoiding him after shifts, only ever meeting with him in the rec room, rather than their usual meetings. “Perhaps dinner would be more suitable to you?” 

”I’m sorry, Spock.” Jim said hesitantly. “Not tonight. I’ve got…things to work on.” He stepped off of the lift.

”Captain.” Spock grabbed his arm, almost surprising himself with his boldness. “Have I done something wrong?”

”Something wrong?” Jim raised an eyebrow, looking at Spock’s hand on his arm. He could…feel Spock’s concern, his worry through his shirt. It was only barely there, but he felt it. He hoped Spock wasn’t able to read his mind. “No, Mr. Spock, you’ve done nothing wrong.” 

There was something off about Jim. Spock could tell he was trying to hide something. Jim pulled his arm away and started walking again. “I am no idiot, James.” Spock proclaimed. 

Jim felt a shiver fall down his spine and blood rush to his cheeks at Spock’s use of his name. He stood frozen in the corridor. “I would never imply such a thing, Mr. Spock.” 

”You may think I don’t understand social cues, but I am not clueless.” Spock said, walking up to Jim. “If I have committed a social taboo, you must inform me.” 

”Spock…” Jim sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ve done nothing wrong, I promise you. It’s my own problem. Believe me, Spock.” He placed his hand on Spock’s shoulder. Vulnerability. Knowledge that Spock may sense the vaguest outlines of his emotions. 

Spock nodded, swallowing. “Apologies Captain…” He took in a calming breath. “I…” 

”I treasure our friendship as well, Mr. Spock.” Jim said softly, squeezing Spock’s shoulder. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I do have some work I need to take care of.” Jim started back towards his quarters. 

Spock stood in the hall, watching Jim until he disappeared into his room. Spock turned, leaning against the wall. He took a deep breath. He needed to get back to his quarters before someone came along and saw him. He set off down the hall to his own room. Once inside he immediately walked to his bed and sat down, crossing his legs. He let his eyes fall shut, taking a deep breath. His games and dinners with Jim gave him comfort, more so than he’d ever admit. The idea that Jim may be trying to distance himself was worrying.

He worried that maybe he cared for Jim more than Jim cared for him. He was the best friend Spock had ever had. The closest he had ever been to someone aside from his mother. Spock took in another breath, allowing his heart rate to slow. He needed to distance himself, to hide his emotions better. But he knew he couldn’t really hide himself from Jim. He could try, but Jim would always manage to chip away at his stiff exterior. Spock took in several more deep breaths before he felt himself fall into a state of meditation.

As soon as the doors had closed to Jim’s room, he had already fallen face down on his bed. He let out a groan. He rolled over into his back. “You certainly don’t make things easy for me, do you Spock?” He mused, staring at the ceiling. “No, it’s in the Vulcan nature to make things as difficult as possible.” Maybe not all Vulcans, but his Vulcan certainly did seem to enjoy Jim’s struggles. He let out a sigh. Hopefully, this wave of emotions would pass soon, and things would return to normal. And if they didn’t…he’d figure it out from there.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeey, hope y’all enjoy!

Spock tilted his head at the woman, the kind Edith Keeler that had done so much for the two strange men she had only met days ago. “Interesting. Where would you estimate we belong, Miss Keeler?“ He asked with a tilt of his head. 

She smiled, there was fondness in that smile, but a tinge of bitterness or sadness alongside it. “You? At his side. As if you always have been and always will be.” Spock felt grateful he wore a beanie, since the tips of his ears were no doubt becoming a shade of green. Edith turned her gaze to Jim and the affection was plain on her face. “And you? You belong in another place. I don't know where or how. I'll figure it out eventually.” 

Spock turned from her and Jim. “I'll finish with the furnace.” He said, clearing his throat. 

”Captain. Even when he doesn't say it, he does.” Edith remarked, amused. 

They were preparing to leave, but Spock stopped them. “Miss Keeler, may I speak with you alone a moment?” 

”Oh?” She glanced at Jim, who nodded his consent. “Of course, Mr. Spock. Whatever I can do to assist.” She smiled, as Jim walked up the stairs and out of the room. 

”I sensed a double meaning in your words, and wished to inquire as to what you meant when you placed me by the Captain’s side.” Spock said. 

”Very straight to the point, aren’t you?” She smiled. “I’m no fool, Mr. Spock. I’ve seen my share of men like you. They pass through the house rather often. Especially the younger ones…” She trailed off. 

Spock still didn’t quite understand. “Pardon?” 

”I know what a man in love looks like, Mr. Spock, even those that think they’re oh so good at hiding it.” She said with an amused twinkle in her eye. She stood in silence for a moment before the amusement was gone and she spoke again. “I’m sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve met someone as special as your captain. If you two are…in a relationship, tell me and I will respect that.” 

Spock had been standing in shocked silence. “No…no, Miss Keeler. We are not in a relationship. He doesn’t hold that sort of affection towards me, regardless of any feelings I may have towards him. In fact I think he has affections towards you.” 

“Thank you, Mr. Spock.” Edith looked down. “Although I don’t think you should say he holds no affection towards you.” She smiled. “I should go.” 

”Goodbye, Miss Keeler.” Spock nodded. She had given him much to think about. “What did you and Mr. Spock talk about?” Jim asked curiously as she stepped out of the basement. 

”He just asked about something I had said.” Edith waved off the question. She quickly moved the conversation onto different topics. 

* * *

Spock knew Jim was having a difficult time. He returned to his room as soon as they got back aboard the ship. Spock wanted to be a comfort to him. “Jim?” He said softly into the comm in front of Jim’s door.

”What is it, Mr. Spock?” Jim’s voice responded. 

”May I come in?” Spock asked. The door opened and Spock stepped in, a bottle of whiskey he had gotten from Scotty in hand. “I was assured by Mr. Scott of the potency of the alcohol.” He said, placing it on the table in front of Jim. 

Jim smiled ruefully, opening the bottle. “Thank you, Spock.” He said, beginning to drink from the bottle. 

Spock walked to the replicator and created a bar of chocolate. He sat across from the Captain and raised the bar. “To Miss Edith Keeler.” 

”Spock, you don’t have to.” Jim quickly assured him. 

”I don’t wish for you to grieve alone, Jim.” Spock responded. 

Jim smiled sadly. “Thank you, Spock. But really, you don’t have to.” He shook his head. 

”Captain…Jim, it is my duty. Both as your first officer and your friend.” Spock said slowly. 

”What ever did I do to deserve a friend like you?” He asked fondly, before taking another drink. 

“You were kind to me. Continuously.” Spock responded simply. “Without fear or judgement, you sought out to learn more about me and my culture.” He took a bite out of the chocolate bar. “I feel like I owe you my life a hundred times over.” 

”I must owe you my life an equal amount.” Jim started. 

”No, more than that.” Spock reached out, his fingers brushing over Jim’s wrist, just where his sleeve ended. Jim stared at the hand. Spock’s tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Jim…you’ve taught me so much about life…freedom…happiness.” He pulled his hand away, staring at the place where it had just been. 

“I’m…glad, Mr. Spock.” Jim responded. The men spent several minutes in silence, each consuming their particular form of inebriation. 

Spock spoke after a moment. “Jim, do you love her?” He asked softly. 

Jim took another long drink. “I’ve fallen in love several times, Spock. It’s never ended well. By now, the heartache is all too familiar.” 

”I’m sorry, Jim.” There was another long pause in the conversation. 

Jim was the first to speak again. “Spock…when you spoke to her alone…what did you ask her?”

”I asked what she meant when she placed me by your side.” Spock said after a moment’s hesitation. 

”The meaning was simple. You’re my first officer, my best friend, of course you belong by my side.” Jim responded. 

Spock felt his cheeks warm at Jim’s use of “best friend.” He cleared his throat. “There was a…another meaning that she had in mind as well.” 

”What do you mean?” Jim asked, taking a swig from the bottle. 

”She seemed to imply that I have…feelings for you.” Spock admitted after a few moments of stressful silence. He didn’t know why he said it. He didn’t want to. He immediately regretted his course of action. 

”Oh.” Was all Jim said. He felt blood rush to his face. “And is it…true?”

Spock stood. “I’m sorry, Captain. I should go.” He walked out the door, leaving Jim staring after him. What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t go after him, not tonight. Before the past few weeks, he would have jumped at the chance to tell Spock how he felt. But not tonight.

* * *

Spock hurried the few feet down the hall into his room. He took in a deep shaky breath, leaning back against the door. He was done for. He slid down the door. Jim…no, the Captain was going to have him removed from the Enterprise. He was going to lose the best friend he had ever had. The best friend he would ever have. He already lost him. Jim was lost to him as soon as he asked what Edith had said.

Spock took in another shaky breath, he was losing control of his emotions. He pressed the palms of his hands to his eyes. “Illogical fool.” He cursed at himself. “Illogical, emotional, halfbreed.” He scowled. But he could let himself have this for tonight. Tomorrow he’d be the perfect Vulcan. But tonight he’d let himself be human. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all are enjoying! Let me know if you are!

The next day they acted as if nothing had happened. Spock would keep his emotions towards the whole matter buried deep within his chest. He avoided speaking to Jim as much as he could without compromising his efficiency.

Jim barely noticed Spock’s behavior as different from usual. But he knew what was wrong. He knew they had to talk. But it wasn’t a conversation he was looking forward to either. So he did his fair share of avoiding as well, until he couldn’t take it anymore.

He basically had to run after Spock to get in the same lift going down to their quarters. “Mr. Spock, we’ve avoided it for long enough.” He said with a sigh. 

“I don’t know what you’re speaking of, Captain.” Spock said, stiffening at Jim’s words. 

”Bullshit.” Jim rolled his eyes. “Vulcans never lie, my ass.” He muttered. “We need to talk. Now, you’ll either meet me in my quarters in thirty minutes or I’ll be in yours.” He said. 

Spock took in a shaky breath. Something about the Captain’s commanding voice made the tips of his ears go green. “Yes, sir.” He said in a soft voice. 

Jim nodded, trying to ignore how out of breath he felt hearing Spock’s voice weak like that and seeing the tinge of green on his ears. He stepped out of the lift. “Thirty minutes.” He said, all traces of strength that had been in his voice only moments ago gone. He strode down the hall, fighting the temptation to look back at Spock. 

The thirty minutes passed as seconds and soon Spock was standing outside of Jim’s door, terrified of what awaited him on the other side.

”Come in, Mr. Spock.” Jim called, seeming to sense that Spock was out there. Spock stepped in, holding his fists together behind his back. He avoided Jim’s gaze. “Sit down.” Jim said, gesturing to a chair.

Spock did as he was told and Jim started pacing around the table. He had so many things he wanted to say, so many things he needed to say. But first there was something he needed to hear something. “Spock, you have feelings for me.” He said, stopping his nervous pacing. It wasn’t a question merely a statement needing affirmation. “Romantic feelings for me.” He clarified.

Spock cleared his throat, avoiding Jim’s intense gaze. “Captain-“ 

”Come on, Spock.” 

Spock took in a breath. “Jim. I…do have romantic feelings for you.” Spock admitted. His hands gripped his knees, the only real show of the discomfort he was under. His knuckles were practically white. “I’m aware you don’t reciprocate, and I accept that. I just have to ask you, please don’t transfer me. If you absolutely must I understand, but you’re my best friend and…the Enterprise is my home.”

Jim was taken aback. He leaned against the table. “I…don’t reciprocate?” 

Spock’s grip grew tighter on his knees as he heard the words he had expected. He didn’t think it would hurt so much. He didn’t know why it hurt, when he knew what was coming. “I’m sorry, Jim.” 

“What?” Jim looked at Spock. “Shit Spock, no. That’s not what I meant.” He knelt beside the chair. He reached up and placed his hands hesitantly over Spock’s. “You have to know…I thought it was easy to see. Spock, I…a month or two ago I looked at you. I can’t remember what you were doing. Probably just standing over your station or making some quip. But I sat there and I realized.” He squeezed both of Spock’s hands. “I love you.” 

Spock took in a shaky breath, looking at his hands under Jim’s. “Jim…you know Vulcans’ hands…” He could feel Jim’s sincerity, the care, the affection. They flooded his senses, leaving him breathless and dizzy.

”I know.” Jim said, his heart raced as emotions flowed between them. Confusion and fear most prominently, but there was love there. “Vulcan hands are very sensitive.” He took one of Spock’s hands and lifted it gently. “Pressing the fore and middle fingers together is the Vulcan equivalent of a kiss, right?” 

”Jim…” Spock’s eyes fluttered shut as Jim tenderly pressed his fingers to Spock’s. 

”Admittedly, this is my first Vulcan kiss.” Jim muttered, glancing up at Spock. “You must tell me if I’m doing it wrong.” 

Spock opened his eyes. “Jim…” He reached his free hand up to touch Jim’s cheek. “This is wrong.” 

”Then show me how to do it, Spock.” Jim chuckled. 

”No…not that.” Spock pulled his hand away. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

”I love you. You love me too don’t you?” Jim placed his hands on either side of the chair Spock was occupying. 

”My feelings for you are of little consequence.” Spock responded. “It is improper as Captain and First Officer.” 

”We just have to do some paperwork and assure them that we don’t enter into this relationship lightly.” Jim responded. “Considering your Vulcan nature, that won’t be a difficult argument to make.” He offered a tense, almost desperate smile. 

Spock closed his eyes, leaning back in the chair, trying to distance himself from Jim. “There is something else.” 

”Tell me.” Jim had grown nervous. “Whatever it is we can face it together, we will face it together.” 

”I am bonded to someone.” Spock admitted. “We are to be wed upon my next Pon Farr.” 

Jim’s eyes widened and he immediately took a step back. “Oh.” Was all he said. “Oh.” 

”I’m sorry, Captain.” Spock said softly. “There’s nothing I’d like more than to start a relationship with you, but I can’t. Not while I’m still bonded to T’Pring.” 

“Are you able to sever the bond? When was it made?” Jim asked, pacing around the room. 

”T’Pring and I were chosen for each other when we were very young.” Spock began. “It is possible to sever the bond, but it’s a bit complex and difficult.”

”We’ll get shore leave on Vulcan.” Jim said quickly. “Unless…you love her?” 

”Jim…” Spock let out a sigh. “No one could compare to you.” Each day Spock considered it more and more likely that Jim was his t’hy’la. He wouldn’t tell Jim this yet, out of fear that perhaps he felt more strongly than Jim. “But we can’t take the ship off course.” 

”You’re right.” Jim let out a huff. “Damnit Spock, why do you have to be right?” 

”It’s in my nature, Captain.” Spock allowed himself a small smile. 

Jim smiled sadly. “Stuff like that is why I love you Spock.” 

”I’ll try to keep my natural charm at a minimum until the situation is resolved.” Spock assured him. 

Despite the sadness he felt, Jim couldn’t help but laugh. “I’d appreciate it, Mr. Spock.” They stayed a moment in silence, it wasn’t comfortable like the ones they were used to or uncomfortable like the ones they expected, just present. “And…you’ll try?” 

Spock nodded. “I’ll try.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed something sappy so I wrote something a lil sappy. Hope you enjoy and if you do let me know and I’ll really appreciate it!

Things had almost fallen into a sort of normalcy on the Enterprise. Jim and Spock sent the normal amount of longing looks to one another, and the crew felt that the tiff they had gotten into was over and they were both back to pining. And in a way, they were pining for one another, but not in the usual way. 

“Spock, it’s been a stressful day. How about dinner?” Jim suggested. He could use the company after the mission on Deneva. 

Spock nodded. “Of course.” He knew the loss of Jim’s brother had to be painful. “Should I bring alcohol?”

”If you’ve got any, sure.” Jim smiled slightly. 

”I’ll be there soon, Captain.” Spock nodded. He wanted to reach out and offer him support, wanted to put his hand on his shoulder and comfort him. But he couldn’t. At least, not while they were out in public. 

Jim returned to his quarters and replicated meals for the two of them. He was setting the table when Spock spoke over the comm. “Come in.” Jim called. 

Spock came in carrying a bottle of Terran wine. “I hope this is sufficient.” He said, handing over the bottle. 

”It is.” Jim nodded. “Thank you Spock.” 

”I’m sorry for your loss Jim.” Spock said, sitting down as Jim poured the wine into two glasses. 

Jim shook his head. “Sam and I were never very close.” He admitted. “I feel bad but…” He sighed. “Would it be alright if we didn’t talk about Sam?” He asked, sitting across from Spock. 

”Of course, Jim.” Spock nodded. He reached his hand out to touch Jim’s for just a moment. “I am here to talk to, if you change your mind.” He said, pulling his hand away again. 

“Thank you.” Jim nodded. After a moment of silence he spoke. “Tell me, was it distressing to lose your sight?” He asked.

”I was about sixty eight percent sure my sight would return to me, so it was only about thirty two percent distressing.” Spock responded. “I merely didn’t say anything on the chance it did not return.” 

”Fucking with Bones was just an added bonus, right?” Jim chuckled. 

”Correct.” Spock allowed himself the smallest hint of a smile. “Regardless, I was certain I’d be able to adapt had I permanently lost my sight.” 

”Yes, but wouldn’t you miss it?” Jim raised an eyebrow. “Everyday on our journeys we see so many beautiful sights…wouldn’t you wish you could see them?” 

”Jim the only sight I would miss is you.” The words were out in the air before Spock had given them much thought. The tips of his ears turned green and he felt a twinge of guilt for his accidental flirting. He had promised Jim to keep his charm to a minimum. “Apologies, Jim.” He mumbled, looking down at his plate. 

Jim, however, was taken aback. He wasn’t upset by any measures just…astounded. “Me?” He mused. “All the sights, known and unknown in the universe and you’d miss seeing my ugly mug? The one you’ve seen everyday for over a year now?” 

Spock cleared his throat. “Do you really wish for an answer or is it a rhetorical question?” 

”By all means, Spock, try to logic your way out of this one.” Jim couldn’t hold back a chuckle. 

”I may have committed your face to memory, but there are other parts of you I have yet to witness.” Spock explained. 

Jim felt his mouth go dry and his face go red. “Spock…” 

”I’d like to see you on Vulcan, for example.” Spock continued, seemingly unaware of the impression he had left on Jim. “I also would quite like to see you in your home of Iowa. I have actually often thought of you in the cornfields.” He admitted. 

Jim was trying to contain the slight disappointment he felt at Spock’s continued explanation. It was very sweet and romantic, but less exciting than the implications of Spock’s first statement. “Why the cornfields in particular?” He asked once he had gotten a hold of himself. 

”The way I envision it, it seems right. You match the yellow of the corn with your hair and your uniform.” Spock responded simply. 

”Next time we get close to Earth, we’ll take some shore leave and I’ll bring you down to Iowa with me.” Jim promised. 

”I think I would like that.” Spock nodded.

“Of course it would be after our shore leave on Vulcan.” Jim added. 

Spock cleared his throat. “Of course.” 

”And that will be soon?” Jim shifted in his chair. 

“Jim…” Spock let out a sigh. 

”I know, I know.” Jim said quickly. “I just…” 

”You’re impatient.” Spock raised an eyebrow. 

”Can you blame me?” Jim asked with a small smile, taking a sip of wine. 

”Patience is a virtue Jim.” Spock stood. “One I believe you should practice.” He placed his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Take care of yourself tonight, Jim.” 

”You’re leaving so soon?” Jim asked, his brows furrowing.

”I believe it is for the best.” Spock responded. 

”Spock…” Jim grabbed Spock’s wrist. “Please stay with me for a bit longer.” 

”And do what, Jim?” Spock raised an eyebrow. 

”Talk romantic to me again?” Jim suggested. 

”What would you have me say, Jim?” Spock sighed. 

”Why do you love me?” Jim asked. “Where’s the logic in it?” 

”There is no real logic in love, Jim.” Spock said. “I could try to give the empirical reasons why I love you, but you won’t find logic there.” 

”Then why Spock?” Jim asked, his hand slipping from Spock’s wrist to his hand. 

”You are my friend.” Spock began slowly. “You’ve always been kind to me. You made the effort to know me. Neither my Vulcan half nor my human half alienate myself from you.” 

”That’s because that’s what makes you Spock.” Jim frowned, holding onto Spock’s hand. 

”That.” Spock said softly, looking down at their hands. “That is precisely why I love you.” He could feel Jim’s fondness through his fingertips. He wanted to stay in the moment. He wanted to stay with Jim. “I should go.” His voice was quiet, but Jim could hear the determination in his voice. 

”Alright. I’ll set you free Spock.” Jim sighed, releasing Spock’s hand. 

”I’ll see you tomorrow, Jim.” Spock walked out of the quarter down to his own. 

Spock sighed, stepping into his room. His Pon Farr was scheduled to begin within the next month. He didn’t want to interrupt the ship’s schedule, he could only hope that the ship would get closer to Vulcan within the next few weeks. Otherwise he’d be forced to take drastic measures and request the ship’s trajectory be changed. Of course there were other ways to take care of Pon Farr, intense meditation and excessive combat for example. But he wanted to start a relationship with Jim, and he’d only allow himself to do so if he could sever his bond with T’Pring. Hopefully T’Pring would agree to sever the bond. Otherwise there would be a kal-if-fee. The idea of it terrified Spock.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amok Time is a bit of a two parter! Hopefully y’all enjoy, I love seeing comments! But yeah! Enjoy!

“Jim, have you noticed anything strange about Spock lately?” Bones asked, looking up from a clipboard. 

Jim looked thoughtful for a moment. “He has been avoiding me lately.” He mused. 

”Yeah, but he does that every other week.” Bones rolled his eyes. “Anything more noticeable?” They saw Nurse Chapel pass by with a bowl of soup for Spock. 

After a moment of conversation with her Jim spoke again. “Bones if there was something really wrong with Spock I think I’d notice.” 

Bones had to hold back a groan. “Jim, when I suggested to Spock that it was time for his routine check-up, your logical, unemotional first officer turned to me and said, ‘you will cease to pry into my personal matters, Doctor, or I shall certainly break your neck.’”

Jim had to hold back a laugh. “Is that statement terribly out of the usual?” 

“What is this?” Spock demanded of Nurse Chapel. The bowl hit the wall across the hall and the soup went splashing across the hall. 

Jim’s eyebrows shot upwards as Spock emerged from his quarters, anger etched onto his usually calm face. “Captain. I need shore leave on Vulcan. It’ll take two point eight days at our current trajectory.” Jim felt his heart pick up its pace as he saw Spock. His body was tense, as if he was ready to spring and attack. 

”Spock, what the hell?” Jim let out a sigh. “Alright. Come on.” He stepped past Spock into his quarters. “What the fuck is going on?” He asked once the door had closed. 

“Jim.” Spock said with a shaky breath. His tongue darted out to wet his lips. “Jim…” His voice was low and his eyes were dark. He reached out and grabbed Jim’s hands. 

Jim looked down in surprise at their newly entwined hands. He felt Spock’s desperation through his fingertips. He also felt an overwhelming amount of desire. It made Jim dizzy and lighthearted. His face flushed. “Spock?” He said softly, a shiver running down his spine. 

”We need to go to Vulcan.” Spock said urgently, squeezing Jim’s hands. 

”Oh. Oh.” Jim’s eyes widened. “It’s time already?” His face grew redder. “Spock why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could’ve gotten us leave and transport.” 

”I didn’t want to compromise the efficiency of the Enterprise.” Spock responded. “Though now I wish I had.” 

“Is there any other way to erm…take care of this?” Jim asked, suddenly very aware of Vulcan propriety and extremely aware of Spock’s hands holding tightly to his. 

”It is not wise for you to proposition me in such a state.” Spock basically growled, pulling Jim closer. “Unless of course…“ Spock lifted his hand and pressed their fingers together. “You intend to act on it.” 

Jim’s face grew redder. He placed his hand gingerly on Spock’s chest. “Spock…you have to know there is nothing I’d like more.” Jim began, looking between their hands and his hand on Spock’s chest. “But you’re not in your right mind. This isn’t how you wanted things.” Jim was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Spock. 

”Circumstances have changed.” Spock responded. “So has my mind.” He placed a hand on Jim’s waist and pulled him close.

Jim’s heart skipped a beat, and it was tortuous but he stepped away from Spock. He moved over to the communicator. “Sulu. Change our course to Vulcan. Increase the speed to warp four.” 

“Aye sir.” Sulu’s response came over the comm. 

”Thank you Jim.” Spock said softly. “I’ll have to find a way to repay you.” He grabbed Jim’s arm. 

”Not now, Spock.” Jim said regretfully. “But the moment you sever your bond with T’Pring, you can repay me. With interest.” He said, his eyes combing over Spock’s lean body. Sometimes he forgot just how beautiful Spock was. Of course Jim would have preferred if Spock was acting this way in his right mind, but it was still nice to feel desired by the man he loved. 

“Gladly.” Spock responded to Jim’s lingering gaze with one of his own. 

”For now, I think it best for us to separate ourselves.” Jim took a step towards the door. “Until Vulcan, at least.” He assured him. 

”Seems…distressingly logical.” Spock let out a breath. 

”Two point eight days, Spock.” Jim muttered, stepping out of his quarters. 

”You were in there for quite a bit Jim. What’s wrong with the hobgoblin this time?” McCoy raised an eyebrow. 

”Well…” Jim cleared his throat. “It’s a matter of Vulcan biology.” 

”You’re kidding.” Bones said, raising an eyebrow. 

Jim shook his head. “It’s called Pon Farr. Vulcans go a little mad until they can…relieve the tension.” 

”So what you’re saying is we need someone to fuck Spock? That new Chekov kid probably has the hots for him right now.” The doctor suggested. 

”No!” Jim exclaimed, his face red. “No, Bones if that was the issue then we could hold a raffle with half the crew.” He sighed. “It has to be his bondmate. She’s on Vulcan.” He debated over whether or not to reveal Spock’s plans for when they arrived. He decided against it. 

”And…Spock told you all of this?” McCoy asked, raising an incredulous eyebrow. 

”Yes. He saw that explaining it was the best way to make his argument for our change in course.” Jim said.

“Alright. So we’re heading to Vulcan?” 

”Yes. We’ll be there in the next three days.” Jim nodded. 

”Captain, Starfleet command is calling. They wish us to divert our course to Altair Six to attend-“ Uhura began over the comm. 

“Tell then we can’t.” Jim said quickly. “The life of our first officer and the well-being of the crew is in danger.” 

”Well-being of the crew?” Bones said, crossing his arms over his chest. 

”Bones you know this ship wouldn’t work half as well without Spock.” Jim said. “You also know that he’s most of my impulse control and frankly one of the only reasons I’m still alive. Without Spock we wouldn’t last a week.” Bones rolled his eyes before he walked back to the med bay.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeeeeeeee. We love a part two. I was planning on just finishing up the Amok Time bit, but I decided to leave it here. Hope you enjoy and let me know if you do!

The days dragged on and Jim was miserable. He couldn’t see Spock. He barely had the self control when Spock wasn’t throwing himself at him. He knew if he spent much more time with him, he’d give in.

”Bones.” Jim groaned, walking into the medbay. 

”You’re walking in here of your own accord?” Bones raised an eyebrow, looking up from a file. “What, are you dying?” 

“No.” Jim said defensively. “It’s just been a while since we’ve hung out.” 

”What’s wrong with the hobgoblin?” Bones asked, leaning back in his chair. 

”Spock? Nothing! Aside from you know, him being a step away from death.” Jim frowned. “I haven’t been able to talk to him.” He murmured. 

”Jesus Jim. It’s only been two days!” McCoy grumbled. “And what do you mean you haven’t been able to talk to him?” He looked at Jim with a mixture of amusement and suspicion. 

Jim froze, realizing his mistake. “He’s been uh, too aggressive to hold a conversation with.” He lied, his face heating up. 

”He’s been putting moves on you.” Bones said. “Huh. I didn’t think he had it in him.” 

Jim groaned. “Bones.” 

”I get it Jim. It must be terribly uncomfortable when the person you’ve be fawning over for a year now suddenly wants to do the horizontal tango.” 

”Why can’t you talk like an actual person?” Jim sighed. 

”So why aren’t you all over him?” McCoy raised an eyebrow. 

”I knew he liked me before this.” Jim said, letting himself fall into a seat across from the doctor. “However he has a mate on Vulcan. And before anything happens, he needs to sever their bond. That’s what will happen at Vulcan.” 

”Amazing restraint, Jim.” Bones commented, returning his gaze to the folder. “I know Spock will appreciate it once he’s back in his right mind.” 

”I know.” Jim sighed. 

”It’s less than a day to Vulcan, Jimbo. Say it takes a day for Spock to sever the bond. That means only two days until you get to make like the birds and bees.”

”The birds and bees are not Vulcan and they certainly aren’t Spock.” Jim reminded him, pouting. 

”Stop whining, Jim.” McCoy rolled his eyes. “Sure, Spock probably won’t put out on the first date, but you’ll finally have your Vulcan. Now calm yourself down before I tranquilize you.”

“Ugh, fine.” Jim groaned. He walked over to the comm in the room. “Captain to bridge. What’s our estimated arrival on Vulcan?” 

”We’ve got about eight hours captain.” Came Chekov’s thick accent. 

”Alright.” Jim nodded, starting to pace around the room. “When do you think I should go talk to Spock about what I need to do, if anything?” 

”Whenever the hell you want Jim! You’re a grown ass man, not some horny teenager! You can hold Spock off for a few hours!” McCoy snapped. 

”Come with me, Bones.” Jim said quickly approaching the doctor’s desk again. “We may need you to beam down with us too.” 

McCoy groaned, but he acquiesced to Jim’s demand. “After this whole mess I never want to hear about your relationship again.” He said, pointing a stern finger at Jim. 

”Whatever.” Jim couldn’t really care less. His stomach was full of butterflies and he was at his wits end. He was convinced he’d go crazy with stress before they arrived on Vulcan. 

* * *

Several hours later and Spock, Jim, and McCoy all walked on the hot sands of Vulcan. They arrived in an arena. Spock was the only one unfazed by the heat and thin air. He looked at Jim and his resolve was tested as his eyes drank in the captain’s appearance. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, his cheeks were flushed, and his breathing was ragged. Spock greatly appreciated the way he looked. He only regretted that it was not him that made Jim this way.

Spock reached out to grab Jim’s hand. ”Jim, perhaps it would just be simpler to-“ 

”Hands to yourself, ya horny hobgoblin.” McCoy scolded, smacking Spock’s hand. 

”I don’t think it wise to provoke me, Doctor.” Spock scowled. “I could kill you quite easily.” 

”Yeah, but Jimbo wouldn’t be too happy with that.” McCoy couldn’t help the smug smile on his face. “He might even hold out till you apologize.” 

”Both of you, quiet.” Jim huffed. 

”It matters not.” Spock said as they approached an arena of sorts. “We’re here.” 

Spock approached a gong and hit it to summon the wedding party. Jim watched the parade with curiosity, his eyes widening as he recognized T’Pau, the matriarch of the planet. After this whole thing was done with he’d love to speak to her. If there was time, of course. Spock’s health came first. 

Jim was brought out of his reverie by a shout of “Kal-if-fee!” He was startled and looked to the woman that had shouted it. A pretty petite thing, with a startling voice.

Spock’s head was whirring. “No kal-if-fee.” He muttered, but he was lost. He knew what he needed to do, knew the words he needed to say but they lost themselves on the way to his throat. 

”What is it? What happened?” Jim demanded, turning to T’Pau, anxiety written on every feature. 

”She has chosen the challenge.” T’Pau responded calmly. 

”No, no that’s not necessary, Spock wanted to sever the bond.” Jim tried to explain. “If I could just speak to Spock-“ 

“Do not attempt to speak with him, Kirk. He is deep in the plak-tow, the blood fever. He will not speak with thee again until he has passed through what is to come. If thee wishes to depart, thee may leave now.” T’Pau raised an eyebrow challengingly. 

”I could never leave him like this!” Jim exclaimed, almost insulted by T’Pau’s words. 

T’Pau brought her eyebrows together slightly at his emotionalism. “Spock has chosen his friends wisely.” 

“Ma'am, I don't understand. Are you trying to say that she rejected him? That she doesn't want him?” McCoy asked, putting a calming hand on Jim’s shoulder. 

”He will have to fight for her. It is her right. T'Pring, thee has chosen the kal-if-fee, the challenge. Thee are prepared to become the property of the victor?” T’Pau looked at the woman. 

”I am prepared.” T’Pring nodded, her gaze locked on Spock. 

“Spock, does thee accept the challenge according to our laws and customs?” T’Pau asked him. 

Spock wanted to scream out. He wanted to tell her that he did not accept the challenge. That all he desired was to dissolve the bond so he may start a relationship with his t’hy’la. He could not speak. He nodded against his own will. 

“Chose thy champion, T’Pring.” T’Pau commanded. 

Jim was taken by surprise when he was the one pointed out. He didn’t want this woman. All he wanted was to help Spock. He wanted to be allowed to love him. 

“T’Pau! He does not understand. He cannot fight.” Spock barely managed to get control of his voice once he knew Jim was in danger. “You cannot let him!” 

But Jim had already made up his mind. “If I can just knock him out…” 

”Jim are you nuts?” McCoy demanded. “In his current state he could kill you!” 

”Or one of the others could kill him!” Jim snapped. “I can’t take that risk Bones.” 

“Decide, Kirk.” T’Pau commanded. 

”I’ll do it.” Jim said before any one else could say anything. 

After a slight preamble T’Pau said something that caught Jim’s attention. ”If both survive-“ 

”What?” 

”It is a battle to the death.” 

Jim could feel his heart snap in two. He couldn’t hear any of what T’Pau said. A battle to the death with Spock. With the man he loved. One of them would die. Jim hoped Spock would kill him. It was selfish, but he didn’t know if he could live if he killed Spock. But if Spock loved him even have as much as he loved Spock, that would be a problem either way.

The fight began and Jim was caught rather off guard. He knew Spock was not in control of his actions, not in his right mind, but that only served to sadden him further. What could very likely be the last interaction they had and Spock wouldn’t even realize it.

They sparred for a few moments, till Spock had knocked Jim to the ground. He sliced his shirt open and Jim screamed out in pain. Spock looked down at Jim, breathing heavily. A wave of desire flooded through him and he raised the weapon to strike the final blow, until McCoy shouted out to distract him. 

”Have you no decency?” McCoy demanded. “The air's too hot and thin for Kirk. He's not used to it.“ 

”The air is the air. What can be done?” T’Pau responded. 

”I can compensate for the atmosphere and the temperature with this. At least it'll give Kirk a fighting chance.” McCoy argued, holding up a hypo. 

He strode over to Kirk, hypo in hand and injected Kirk with the medicine. “You have to kill him, Jim.” Bones insisted softly. 

”I’d rather die.” Jim responded. 

”That is how this is supposed to go Jim. Don’t be stupid!” McCoy snapped. 

They fought for a bit longer before Jim collapsed while Spock was strangling him. “Get your hands off of him! He’s dead!” McCoy snapped, rushing over to check Jim’s properties. 

Spock was brought out of his blood fever. He stared down at his Captain. His friend. His t’hy’la. “Jim…” He spoke so softly it was barely a breeze. His eyes brimmed with tears, which he blinked away to the best of his ability. How was he supposed to go on? How was he supposed to live when his Captain, one of his reasons for living was gone? And it was his fault. He touched Jim’s cheek. Even though it was so warm out, he was cold and clammy. 

McCoy’s hand on his shoulder brought him out of his silent misery. “As strange as it may seem, Mister Spock, you're in command now. Any orders?“ 

”Take…take him up with you. I’ll be there in a moment.” Spock said softly, sparing one last look at Jim. He came to the realization that there were so many things he’d never be able to do never be able to say. He’d never give Jim a human kisss. He’d never get to tell him they were t’hy’las. He’d never be able to explain to him what a t’hy’la was. He’d never see him in a field of corn in Iowa. Then Jim and McCoy were gone. 

Spock rose slowly to his feet. He walked over to T’Pring. “I wanted to absolve the bond.” He said softly. “This was completely unnecessary.” 

”What?” T’Pring blinked. 

”I believed that that man is…was my t’hy’la.” Spock said, his fists clenched by his side. “We came to sever our bond so I could begin a relationship with him. When you declared the kal-if-fee I lost control to the plak-tow.” 

”I…I apologize for your loss.” T’Pring said. 

”Our bond is absolved, if you had not guessed.” Spock said solemnly. “Stand by to beam up.” He walked to T’Pau. “Live long and prosper, T’Pau.” 

”Live long and prosper, Spock.” 

”I shall do neither.” Spock responded. “I have killed my Captain, my love, and any chance to be content.” He turned away, feeling tears sting his eyes again. “Energize.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love conflict resolution :). Hope y’all enjoy! There’ll probably be something else up soon!

“Doctor, I shall be resigning my commission immediately, of course. So I would appreciate your making the final arrangements.” Spock began as he walked into the medbay. 

“Spock, I-“ McCoy began to try and explain what happened. 

”Doctor, please, let me finish. There can be no excuse for the crime of which I'm guilty. I intend to offer no defense.” Spock began, clenching his hands together behind his back. “No words can express the sorrow and guilt I feel. Furthermore, I shall order Mister Scott to take immediate command of this vessel.” He said, looking down as his eyes were once again beginning to brim with tears. 

Jim felt so much joy seeing Spock back to normal. His bond had to be severed now. They could be together. Now he just had to show Spock he was okay. A grin spread across his face as he came out from behind Spock. “Don't you think you better check with me first?”

”Captain! Jim!” Spock turned, a wide grin plastered on his face. “Jim!” He grabbed his shoulders. “Jim.” His voice grew softer, tears of joy replacing those of guilt. 

”Spock.” Jim smiled fondly back at him. His hands gripped at Spock’s arms. “Bones,” He murmured, looking over at the doctor and Nurse Chapel. “Give us a moment please?”

Bones dismissed Nurse Chapel, then shot Jim a look. “Remember, you’re in no condition to be getting physical with a Vulcan.” He sent Spock a warning look. 

Once McCoy and Nurse Chapel had left, Jim turned his gaze back to Spock. Spock’s face had glazed over with a look of disbelief. Jim could practically see the gears in his head turning as he tried to figure out what had happened. “Spock, I know you have to have-“ 

Spock didn’t give him a chance to finish. With his hands on Jim’s shoulders, Spock pulled him closer, leaned down and pressed a firm kiss against Jim’s lips. His eyes were shut tightly and his grip on Jim was almost painful, as if he was afraid when he opened his eyes he would be gone again. 

Jim’s eyes were wide and his heart fluttered in his chest. It was stiff and stilted, not much movement at all. Spock was clearly inexperienced, but he was so warm. Inhumanly, perfectly warm. Through the contact, Jim could feel Spock’s grief and desperation. He felt how heartbroken his friend was and that alone was enough to bring a tear to Jim’s eyes. Slowly he lifted his hand to touch Spock’s cheek, and pulled away slightly. “Spock.” He murmured softly. 

“Captain.” Spock returned, his hand coming up to rest on top of Jim’s. 

”I’m alright.” Jim reassured him in a soothing tone. 

”How did you survive?” Spock asked softly, his eyes still laid closed, though he leaned his head into Jim’s touch. 

”McCoy…” Jim chuckled. “The bastard’s a genius. That was no tri-ox compound he shot me with. He slipped in a neural paralyser. Knocked me out, simulated death.” He smiled. 

”And you are…alright?” Spock asked, slowly opening his eyes. The sight of Jim’s smile was almost enough to make Spock weep. That beautiful grin lit up the medbay and turned it from a stark white to a warm amber. 

”I’m a little stiff, a little shaky. But I’m alive Spock. We are alive.” Jim smiled, taking Spock’s other hand gingerly and pressing a Vulcan kiss to his fingertips. 

A tear threatened to fall from Spock’s eye. “Jim…I’m so sorry.” He said softly. “I had no idea. I couldn’t control it. The entire time I was trapped in the back of my mind while my body was trying to…” 

”Spock, I know. It’s okay.” Jim hushed him, bringing Spock’s hand up to his lips and pressing a soothing kiss on his knuckle. “I was stupid for accepting.” 

”You didn’t know.” Spock argued weakly. “You cannot be held accountable for trying to protect me.” 

”But I’m alright now Spock, you don’t need to worry.” Jim said softly, meeting Spock’s eyes with a reassuring smile. 

”I thought…” Spock let out a breath. “I thought I’d never see you smile again.” He paused. “I thought I’d never be able to give you a human kiss.” He paused again. “I thought I’d never be able to tell you-” 

“Alright! Times up hobgoblin! Clothes on!” McCoy shouted.

“Dammit Bones!” Jim cursed, as Spock hesitantly pulled himself away from Jim. “You couldn’t have given us five more minutes?” He frowned at the approaching doctor, fondness behind his eyes.

”No could do.” Bones shook his head. “You never listen to me, so I had to make sure my orders were being followed.” 

”I assure you, Doctor. I wouldn't have allowed any activity that could further hurt the Captain. I am already greatly guilted by the pain I have already caused him.” Spock said. 

”I know you are, Spock.” Bones sighed, placing a hand on Spock’s shoulder. “He’s alright though. Fit as a fiddle, just a little drained from the revival act.” He noticed how Spock didn’t pull away from his touch and briefly wondered what the hell had gotten into the Vulcan. 

”Spock.” Jim said, as if just realizing something. “Have you eaten yet? Or gotten any rest?” He demanded. 

”No Captain, there has been no time.” Spock bowed his head slightly, as if trying to hide the exhaustion written on his face. Even if it hadn’t been the Pon Farr, he hadn’t slept or meditated in days, nor had he eaten in over a week. 

”Spock, I’m going to be recuperating in here for a day or so, but as your Captain, I order you to go get yourself a big meal and then sleep.” Jim said, plopping himself onto a medical bed. “And I better not hear that you’re not following orders.” He warned with a raised eyebrow.

Spock nodded looking down. “Of course, Captain.” 

”Get to it hobgoblin!” Bones clapped, shooing Spock. “Give Jim some space.” 

Spock shoot a sideways glance at Bones, but he nodded, leaving the medbay for his quarters. He was overjoyed. Jim was safe and alive. They had kissed. Once he returned to the safety of his quarters, he sat down at his desk. He lifted his hand up and touched his lips. He replayed the moment in his mind. He had been wary of kissing him, but the experience was not unpleasant in the slightest. He could get used to it, especially if it was something that Jim enjoyed. Spock decided he would have to experiment more under different circumstances. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray new chapter! Hope y’all enjoy!

Jim entered the bridge for the first time since Vulcan. The door opened and all eyes turned to Jim, except for Spock, who was seemingly very involved in studying something at his station. Jim nodded to some of the crew members as he sat down in his chair. He turned his head, glancing over at Spock. A small smile crossed his face, as he saw Spock bend over his station. His heart fluttered in his chest and he leaned on the arm of his chair. 

”Captain?” Spock raised an eyebrow, turning his head to look at Jim. Jim swore he could see a smirk in his eyes. 

”Just wondering how you’re feeling Mr. Spock.” Jim excused himself quickly, turning his gaze back to the window. 

”I am perfectly well Captain.” Spock responded, turning back to his station. “You are the one who has been in the sickbay.” He commented. 

”Mr. Spock were you worried about me?” Jim asked, glancing back with an amused smile. 

”Of course, Captain.” Spock responded easily. For a moment it seemed like the entire bridge turned to give him a confused look. “The efficiency of the Enterprise is greatly decreased when the Captain is away. It is only logical to worry and hope for a speedy return.” Spock excused himself quickly. 

The crew exchanged some suspicious looks, but no one dared to make any comment. If someone did make a comment, Jim would never do anything, except maybe discourage rumors. Spock on the other hand, was a mystery. One that no one wanted to trifle with. Half of the crew shot pitying looks to Jim. The poor man was clearly flirting with an indifferent Vulcan. The other half of the crew held back pitying gazes to Spock. The poor Vulcan had become romantically interested in a charming captain who had his choice of many more emotionally (and physically) available people. 

Oddly enough, not much had changed on the bridge, despite the fact that Jim and Spock were now in a blossoming relationship. All their banter was imbued with new meaning, new hope for their future. But no one else sensed it. Save for Bones, but he knew better then to start spreading the news. Jim would tell the crew when he was ready. Or maybe he wouldn’t. Spock might not be too happy at his personal affairs being announced to the crew. Only time would tell. 

”Mr. Spock,” Jim began, approaching Spock’s station near the end of their shift. “I was hoping you would join me for a game of chess in my quarters?” He asked with a small smile. 

Even though Spock wasn’t as knowledgeable in social cues as others, he had the inkling that Jim didn’t intend to play much chess. “Yes, Captain.” Spock nodded thoughtfully. “I think that would be rather enjoyable.”

”Would you like a moment alone, Jim? Or shall I join you immediately?” Spock asked, glancing at his Captain.

”You can just come along with me.” Jim responded easily, trying to hold back his excitement. 

Spock nodded. “Very well, Jim.” They walked off the lift and to Jim’s room. 

”I assume you have no intention of playing chess.” Spock said, once the door had closed behind him. 

”Oh really?” Jim asked, a smirk crossing his face. “And what exactly did you assume we’d be doing, Mr. Spock?” He crossed his arms over his chest, raising an eyebrow. 

Spock looked away. “Did Dr. McCoy clear you fully?” 

Jim chuckled, moving to rifle through his desk drawers. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you Spock, but what I had planned is much less exciting.” He pulled out a padd. “On here are the forms necessary for two Starfleet officers to begin a relationship. I thought we might…begin to fill them out.” 

Spock nodded. He took the chair across from Jim’s desk and moved it so it was next to Jim’s. “That does seem most logical.” 

”I thought you’d like it.” Jim smiled, taking Spock’s hand in his and bringing it to his lips. 

Spock felt his face flush and the tips of his ears go green. “I thought you did not intend anything of a physical nature.” He said, raising an eyebrow. 

“Well…I never said that exactly.” Jim smiled coyly. “Just that I want to fill out some of these papers first.” Spock nodded, the semblance of a smile in his eyes. He peered over Jim’s shoulder as Jim started filling out some of his own information.

* * *

About an hour later they had gotten through about half of the forms. Jim let out a yawn and stretched. Spock looked up at him. “Are you tired, Jim? Should I leave?”

”Huh? Oh no.” Jim shook his head. “Although maybe we should stop with these for tonight.” 

“Alright.” Spock nodded, leaning back in his chair. He put his hands on his knees, looking down. “I’m glad you’re alright, Jim.”

Jim smiled over at Spock. “I missed you too, Spock.” He placed his hand over Spock’s. “It’s rough not being able to see you for a couple of days.” 

“Agreed.” Spock nodded, turning his hand over and entwining their fingers together. 

”Although…I do think it’s nice to see you again after not being able to. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all.” Jim smiled, squeezing Spock’s hand. He could feel that Spock was holding something back. “Spock? Is there something wrong?”

“I just feel that I should disclose the true nature of our relationship.” Spock said quickly, his gaze locked onto their entwined hands.

”Oh?” Jim raised an eyebrow. 

”Yes.” Spock nodded, lifting their hands up to give Jim a proper Vulcan kiss. A flush crossed Jim’s cheeks. He enjoyed the intimacy of it, knowing it was special and important to Spock. “See in Vulcan culture there is a certain kind of bond, defined as a friend, a brother in arms, and a lover. Those with this sort of bond are called t’hy’la, and the closest standard equivalent of the word is soulmate.” Spock said the words faster than usual, not moving his eyes off of their hands. 

Jim smiled, looking at Spock’s face. Someone who didn’t know Spock would see nothing in his face, but Jim saw a softness in his brown eyes. He felt his nerves through his fingertips. He saw the green flush on the tips of his ears. He could spend hours just scrutinizing Spock’s face for the minute changes in his expressions. “Spock.” Jim smiled fondly, reaching up with the hand not kissing Spock to touch his cheek. “You think that we’re soulmates?” He asked with a hint of a laugh on his lips. 

”I don’t just think so Jim.” Spock leaned into his touch. “Vulcans have an intuition about this. There is a margin of error, but I am about ninety percent certain that you are my t’hy’la.” 

Jim got out of his chair and leaned over Spock, kissing him gently. “I love when you talk percentages to me.” He murmured against Spock’s lips, taking his hand out of the Vulcan kiss and holding onto the arm of the chair. He pulled away slightly. “You are okay with human kisses, right?” Jim asked softly. “I don’t want to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.” His tongue darted our to wet his lips. 

Spock stared at Jim’s lips with a mix of curiosity and desire. “I am perfectly comfortable.” Spock said slowly. “In fact, I’m very interested in experimenting more. The first kiss did not affect me, but this was…” His eyes flickered down to Jim’s lips again. “Rather pleasant.” 

Jim leaned back down into another kiss. “I’d be happy to help with your experimentation.” He smiled against Spock’s lips, and despite his Vulcan nature, Jim felt Spock smile too.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some moments in this that get pretty cheesy. Hope you enjoy!

“Jim!” Bones exclaimed, clapping his friend on the shoulder as he saw him in the mess hall. “It feels like it’s been ages since I’ve had a real conversation with you.” Bones sat himself in front of Jim. “Glad to see the hobgoblin hasn’t split you in two.” Bones said, clearly holding back laughter.

Jim knew Bones was trying to get a rise out of him. It worked. He sent a quick kick at McCoy’s leg under the table. “Not out here Bones.” He said, warniningly. 

”Dammit Jim.” Bones cursed, bringing his leg back quickly. “I’m just saying I’m glad you two are taking it slow.” He said in a whisper. “I’d hate for something bad to happen and you two to be all messed up.” 

“Bones. I’m taking this seriously.” Jim said, matching his volume. “Look, he told me that we’ve got a special Vulcan soulmate bond and…I don’t wanna mess it up. I’m not gonna do anything I don’t know will turn out well.”

”Well I’m glad you’re finally taking someone seriously.” McCoy said teasingly. 

”I take most people seriously.” Jim frowned. “It’s me they don’t take seriously.” 

”Well you won’t have that problem with a Vulcan.” McCoy patted Jim’s shoulder. “And speak of the devil.” Bones smiled up at Spock, who had approached with his tray of food and raised an eyebrow at McCoy’s hand on Jim’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about me, Spock.” McCoy rolled his eyes and moved to stand. “He’s not exactly my type.” He said in a low voice. 

Spock took the seat that McCoy had just vacated. “Is the doctor always so involved in your romantic endeavors?” He asked with a tilt of his head. 

”Yes.” Jim let out a chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. “He likes gossiping, believe it or not. And as my friend he does like keeping himself up to date on my private life.”

”I see.” Spock said thoughtfully. “I do not mind the doctor having general knowledge about our relationship. Although I don’t think he requires details.” 

”Believe me, Spock. I try to avoid talking about my sex life to Bones as much as possible.” Jim said, forcing out a laugh.

The pair finished their meal in relative silence. Finally Jim spoke up. “Spock, would you like to return to my quarters for a game of chess?” 

”Of course, Captain.” Spock nodded, standing. They rid themselves of their trays and started the walk to their quarters. 

”Captain?” The Lieutenant that manned the comm station during Uhura’s off hours messaged. 

”Captain Kirk here. What’s the issue?” 

”There’s a video message coming in from Vulcan, Captain. Are you able to take it in your quarters?” She asked. 

Jim shot Spock a quick glance, Spock’s expression showed his own brand of un-Vulcan confusion and surprise. “One moment Lieutenant.” Jim said, quickly entering his quarters, Spock following behind him. “Alright Lieutenant, patch the call through.” He nodded, standing in front of the video screen. 

“Captain James T. Kirk.” T’Pau said, the faintest hint of surprise that would’ve been imperceptible to anyone who hadn’t spent hours analyzing the changes on a Vulcan’s face. “Thou are quite bold, cheating death during the kal-if-fee.” 

”I assure you, T’Pau that was not my intention.” He chuckled. “Instead of a tri-oxi compound, my doctor gave me a neural paralyzer.” 

”Simulating death in a way convincing enough to bring your partner out of his plaktow.” T’Pau nodded. “That doctor is a wise man.” 

”Well we sure like to think so.” Jim chuckled. He was going to ask T’Pau how she discovered he was alive, but T’Pau beat him to it. 

”The federation sent me notice that a Vulcan officer and a human officer had wishes to begin a relationship.” T’Pau explained. “They wished to know if this would end poorly, or if they should approve it.” She paused. “I imagine Mr. Spock is nearby?” She raised an eyebrow. 

Spock stepped into the view of the screen, holding up his hand in the typical Vulcan greeting. 

A hint of a smile played across T’Pau’s face. “Ah yes. As I suspected. Captain Kirk. Thou were a worthy adversary in battle. And you have won the affections of a capable Vulcan.” She turned back to Spock. “S’chn T’gai Spock. You are certain this man is-“ 

”I have no doubts.” Spock interrupted. “I am drawn to him like there is no other. He is like the sun to me. Glowing, bright, with enough gravity that I will always be drawn back to him.” His eyes locked on Jim’s face as he said the words he was finally able to find. Jim seemed to glow with praise. 

”As I suspected.” T’Pau said again. “I told the federation that you would not make this request lightly and that I approve of the match. If you are in need of leave to Vulcan to make the bond official, I will insist to them that you be given leave.” 

“Not yet, T’Pau. We have work that needs to be done.” Spock said, still not removing his eyes from Jim. 

”Very well.” T’Pau nodded. “Congratulations Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. Live long and prosper.” She raised her hand once more before she signed off. 

“I don’t know how I could not.” Spock mused softly, turning and in a moment of boldness he cupped Jim’s face and smashed their lips together in a moment of pure unadulterated emotion. 

Jim blinked back his surprise, stumbling backwards into his desk. He could feel Spock’s elation, practically radiating off of him in waves. Pure joy and gratitude mixed with a messy quick kiss. “Mister Spock, I’m surprised at you.” Jim teased, nipping at Spock’s bottom lip as he snaked his arms around Spock’s waist. 

”I’m surprised you’re interrupting me.” Came Spock’s quick response, before he began the kiss again with a new fury. 

Jim couldn’t hold back his laughter at that, pulling away slightly to press his forehead to Spock’s. “Mr. Spock, if I’m your sun, then you are my stars. Mysterious, yet familiar, distant yet within reach, constant and beautiful.” He leaned up to kiss Spock again. Slower now, much less frenzied, but just as content.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought it had been a while since I updated this fic, but nope. About three days. Wild lmao. Hope you enjoy!

Jim was dizzied by the beam. He hadn’t felt so disoriented by a transporter beam since he first started traveling by transporter. He stepped off the transport and immediately knew, whatever this place was, it was not his Enterprise. It was a remarkable copy, but it was wrong.

”Captain?” He heard Spock’s smooth baritone and he felt relief wash over him. Until he looked over at the control panel and saw that this was not his Spock. “Is everything alright?” He did the same tilt of the same Vulcan head, but this was not his Spock. He had a beard. It didn’t look bad, Jim had decided a long time ago that there was very little that would make Spock look bad. But this was not his Spock. 

”Yes…” Jim said slowly, collecting his thoughts. “Yes, I’m fine Spock.” 

Chaos ensued, which led to this Spock briefly torturing a young officer. Jim quickly gathered that this world was one of violence and chaos. He had to make his crew understand. They had to fix this. But first, they had to fit in. “Are you sure you’re not feeling any ill effects Captain?” Despite his strange actions (and his strange facial hair) Jim was still able to detect concern and care in Spock’s expression. 

”I think the Doctor should give us all a look over, it was a rough trip.” Jim nodded, corralling his crew out into the corridor. 

”Captain.” Spock called, following after Jim. 

”What is it Spock?” Jim asked. 

”We shall still meet in your quarters for chess this evening, correct?” He raised an eyebrow. 

”Of course, Mr. Spock.” Came Jim’s easy response. Hopefully they’d be gone by then. If not, he could play a game of chess. 

* * *

Spock waited with bated breath for his Captain to return. There was an ion storm beginning and Spock was unsure of the effect it would have on the transporter. He hoped there would be none. Spock did not enjoy being unsure and relying on hope. Any fear he had was relieved when he saw Jim appear with the rest of the landing party. 

The relief disappeared just as quickly as it had arrived as soon as this Jim opened his mouth. “You’re not my Spock.” He almost growled. “If you’ve done anything to him-“ This faux crew was quickly detained by security and Spock. 

“The ion storms must have caused a transposition. Fascinating.” Spock mused, observing this violent man with his Captain’s appearance.

”I swear to god if you’ve harmed a hair on his head I will hang you up by your Vulcan ears!” Jim shouted, trying to fight against the security guards holding him. 

”Put them in holding.” Spock requested. After a moment he followed, watching the fake Jim with curiosity and fascination. By all means this was Jim. He was as handsome and golden and powerful as his Jim. But he was not his Jim. His Jim had a smile that lit up any and every room he entered. And he had lines around the edges of his eyes. Barely visible, but still beautiful reminders of mirth and joy. His Jim looked at him with compassion in his eyes and fondness on his lips. 

”What are you staring at?” The man that greatly resembled Jim demanded, practically spitting out the words. 

”Just how despite your near identical appearances, my Captain is infinitely more appealing.” Spock responded easily, turning on his heel and leaving Jim to fume. 

* * *

Jim’s heart was pounding in his chest, adrenaline coursing through his veins. Chekov had just tried to kill him. He often thought of Chekov as the little brother he never had. Seeing the murderous intent in those near identical eyes…it was startling to say the last.

”I am grateful that Ensign Chekov did not succeed in his attempts.” The bearded Spock said, following Jim to their quarters after the attempt. 

”Is that so, Mr. Spock?” Jim raised an eyebrow. “Have you no interest in power?” 

”You are aware I prefer my post as your first officer and the chief science officer.” Spock said. Jim paused outside his doors. “Besides, losing a bondmate, especially a t’hy’la is a difficult process.” He stood in front of Jim, using two fingers to lift Jim’s chin up slightly. Spock leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss against Jim’s unsuspecting lips. “I have no desire to begin the mourning process, James.” Spock murmured, kissing Jim again. 

Jim pushed down his concern and confusion. He tried to mask it with the desire he felt and the love he had for his own Spock. His beard scratched against his face. The sensation was…not entirely unpleasant. Jim reached up and cupped Spock’s face.

Spock pulled away abruptly. “You’re not my Captain.”

”I’m not.” Jim admitted. 

”What have you done with my Jim? My t’hy’la?” Spock demanded, and Jim found it difficult to respond when suddenly there were Vulcan hands around his throat threatening to squeez the life out of him. 

”Spock. The ion storm.” Jim sputtered out. Spock loosened his grip. “It…well I don’t know what it did exactly. But it switched us. We know how to fix it, Spock. We just need your help.” 

Spock let go of him. “Anything to get my Captain back.” He said. 

After a moment discussing the plan in Jim’s quarters, he turned to Spock. “So…even in this universe, we’re together.” He mused. 

“Yes, Captain.” Spock nodded. “Our bond is very strong. Perhaps even stronger than other Vulcans with t’hy’la. For every James Tiberius Kirk, there is a S’chn T’gai Spock. They are meant to find each other and they are meant to be together. They protect and love each other. Even if at first they cannot stand each other.” Jim could see fondness in Spock’s eyes.

“Is that how you two started out?” Jim asked with a smile. “My Spock and I were friends before we got together.” 

Spock nodded. “That is a core component of being a t’hy’la.” 

* * *

“Captain.” Spock smiled in that distinctly Vulcan way, meaning it was invisible to almost everyone.

”Spock.” Jim smiled back, clapping Spock on the shoulder. “Good to be back.” 

”Good to have you back.” Spock responded. 

“Jim, I think I liked him with a beard better. It gave him character. Of course almost any change would be a distinct improvement.” Bones commented, crossing his arms as he observed the two interacting. 

“Bones be nice.” Jim scolded. He turned back to Spock. “What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fitted into that other universe. I always thought Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart.” He teased with a fond expression. 

“Indeed, gentlemen. May I point out that I had an opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilised, treacherous, In every way, splendid examples of homo sapiens, the very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing.” Spock responded with a raised eyebrow and his dry sense of humor. 

”Bones, I think we’ve been insulted.” Jim mused, with a smile. 

”When are we not being insulted?” Bones responded, patting Jim’s shoulder before he started off. 

”Spock, I observed something interesting while in the other dimension.” Jim said softly, once most of the other crew members had filed out of the transporter. “It seems our counterparts have the same bond with one another as we do.” He smiled as the pair walked out of the room towards their quarters. 

”Really? Fascinating.” Spock said thoughtfully. “Though I suppose it makes some sort of sense. Perhaps the t’hy’la bond transcends universes.” 

”Or…” Jim smiled, his eyes glancing around to make sure no one was around. He reached down and took Spock’s hand in his. “Perhaps it’s just us.” He raised Spock’s hand to his lips. “If there is a James Kirk, he will look up at the stars and feel deep down within him that out there is some missing piece of him. He’ll smile as he thinks of the vast universe and he’ll know that somewhere in another galaxy, someone’s staring back at the stars, thinking the same thing.” He paused as they arrived at their quarters. “And if there is a S’chn T’gai Spock. Then he will look up at those stars. Cataloging the stars and planets he can see. And he’ll get this illogical feeling in the back of his mind that there’s something he never expected just waiting for him off Vulcan.” Spock was mildly impressed and flattered that Jim had managed to pronounce his name correctly. 

Jim took Spock’s other hand in his. “And maybe when they first meet, they won’t realize it. Maybe they’ll see each other as too alien at first. But Jim will come to appreciate Spock’s beautiful intellect and curiosity, and Spock will come to appreciate…whatever the hell it is you see in me.” Jim chuckled softly before he continued again. “But one day they’ll sit down and realize that the whole universe they were looking for is right there, sitting next to them.” 

Spock just stares at Jim for a moment. His eyes were warm and full of fondness. “Spock will realize that Jim is an admirable, charming man. With a good heart, a strong moral compass. A man who sees him not as tainted Vulcan or barely human, but just as himself. A man he never knew was such a poet.” His eyes sparkled with mirth as Jim let out a laugh of his own. 

”You are my muse, Mr. Spock.” Jim smiled, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to Spock’s lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

”Till tomorrow ashayam.” Spock squeezed Jim’s hands once before he let go and they went their separate ways.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m like lowkey excited for the next chapter. I have one part that I can’t wait for lmao

“So…” Uhura hummed, spinning in a chair in the rec room. “When do you think Spock and Captain Kirk are gonna announce that they’re fucking?”

Half of the room groaned. Chekov made a face. “Do not speak that way about the Captain and Mr. Spock. That is like you asking about my parents’ sex life.” 

”You see them as parental figures, Chekov?” Bones asked with a raised eyebrow. “They’re barely ten years older than you.” 

Chekov scoffed. “That doesn’t mean anything. The Captain is the stern yet kind father I never had.” 

”And Spock is the emotionally distant mother figure you never wanted?” Sulu teased. 

“I think Mr. Spock is a good role model.” Chekov argued. “Very smart. He’s also very funny if you know what to watch for.”

”Jesus.” Bones grumbled. “I’ll talk to Jim about getting you transferred to the medbay for a bit. Give you a Vulcan cleanse.” 

”Back to the matter at hand,” Uhura said. “When are they going to make it official?” 

Sulu sighed. “You know Spock, Nyota. He probably doesn’t want to project his romances out to the whole crew.”

“How do you even know the Captain’s made his move yet?” Scotty responded, bringing a glass of scotch to McCoy. 

”Oh believe me, he has.” Uhura rolled her eyes. Sulu nodded in agreement. “There has been loads less tension for the past few weeks.” 

”It’s honestly a bit of a relief.” Sulu chuckled. 

”Yes, but I want to know the details!” Uhura groaned. 

”In good time, Nyota.” Bones said, patting her on the shoulder. “I’m sure they’ll come out with it soon enough. Although I doubt you’ll get many details out of either of them.”

”A woman’s got ways Doctor.” Uhura smiled. 

”Half of which won’t work on two men in a relationship together.” Sulu teased. Uhura stood from her seat, strode over to Sulu and slapped his arm. 

* * *

It took several weeks for Starfleet to finally get back to Jim and Spock. They called for a video meeting with the two of them, which Jim accepted in his quarters.

A nervous young woman in a social resources uniform was the one who called. She smiled. “My name’s Linda. I’m sorry Captain, this is merely a formality.” She apologized. 

”No, no,” Jim shook his head. “We understand. We wanted to do this right. Isn’t that right, Spock?” He turned his gaze to the Vulcan, who nodded, seeming just about as uncomfortable as the woman on the screen. 

”Right.” The woman nodded. “So would you two state your names and ranks for the records?” 

”Captain James Tiberius Kirk.” 

”First Officer S’chn T’gai Spock.” 

”Alright.” The woman nodded, watching as a machine typed out their words. “And how long have you two been involved in a romantic relationship?” 

”Over two months now.” Jim responded, looking at Spock with a smile. He wanted to reach out and grab Spock’s hand, but he knew in front of social resources that was not a good idea. “Although we had expressed interest in one another before that.” 

”Alright.” She nodded again. “How serious is the relationship right now? Do you two plan on becoming bonded or getting married any time soon?” 

Spock’s eyes immediately became fixated on Jim. Jim cleared his throat. “I believe it’s very serious. Though I think we might hold off a bit on bonding and marriage.” 

”Agreed.” Spock nodded, seemingly very happy Jim had said what he had. 

”Do you think this relationship will negatively impact your work performance?” 

Spock was the one that spoke up for this question. “Our efficiency has increased by eight point seven five percent since we began our relationship, and it is possible that the number increases as we become closer.” 

”Very well.” The woman nodded. “Alright, I think that’s it, unless you two have any concerns?” She asked, looking up at them.

”Nope.” Jim smiled, glancing up at Spock. Spock shook his head. 

“Alright.” Linda smiled. “Well then, I’m happy to announce you two are now officially allowed to be in a relationship. It is recommended that you inform your crew, but we understand the Vulcan need for privacy.” 

”We will inform them.” Spock responded quickly before Jim could say anything. 

”Really?” Jim asked, a grin spreading across his face as he looked up at Spock. 

”It is illogical to keep it from the crew.” Spock said slowly. But Jim felt his heart warm considerably. Spock wanted to tell people they were together. He wasn’t ashamed of him or afraid to announce that they were together. 

”Great.” Linda smiled. “Congratulations!” She grinned, before ending the call. 

Jim turned his grin to Spock, finally allowing himself to take Spock’s hands in his. “Ashayam, we don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.” He brought his hands to his lips. 

Jim could see the smile in his eyes at the Vulcan pet name. “I want to.” Spock responded simply. “I believe it is important to project our status as a couple to avoid any confusion.” 

“What do you mean by confusion?” Jim raised an eyebrow, his fingers tracing circles on the back of Spock’s hand. 

”Fewer incidents of flirtation.” Spock said quickly. 

”Spock.” Jim grinned. “Are you trying to tell me you get jealous?” 

”I also believe there is no reason not to tell the crew.” Spock said, ignoring Jim’s question. “I have no shame in being in a relationship with you. You are my t’hy’la, my love.” 

”And you get jealous.” Jim said in a sing-song tone, pulling Spock closer to him.

”I understand the necessity for your skills in seduction in many situations.” Spock said, leaning down. “It doesn’t mean I have to take pleasure in it.”

Jim closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to Spock’s and pulling him down onto his lap. 

Spock made a soft noise of surprise. “Jim. I’m heavier than you.” He commented, situating himself and placing his hands on Jim’s shoulders.

”I’ll tell you if I get uncomfortable.” Jim hummed, kissing Spock again. 

Spock allowed himself to kiss back for a few blissful moments before he pulled away slightly. “Jim…” He began as Jim pressed kisses to his jawlines. “When will we be informing the crew?” He let out a soft sigh, tilting his head to give him better access. 

”Hmm…” Jim pulled himself off of Spock’s neck. “How about we do it after we finish delivering the diplomats?” He returned his attention to Spock’s neck. 

Spock pulled up his mental shields to hide his thoughts from Jim. The diplomatic mission included the Vulcan ambassador and his wife. He felt a pang of nervousness at the thought of his parents meeting Jim. He desperately hoped that his mother liked Jim and that his father saw him as a suitable bondmate. Spock knew he had to inform Jim that his parents were going to be aboard the Enterprise. Then Jim started biting and sucking and all thought of the diplomatic mission flew from his mind and his mental barriers lowered at the speed of light.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was very excited to write this. I love the idea of Amanda interacting with the boys.

“Jim.” Spock said softly, approaching his Captain as Jim and Bones hurried through the corridors. 

”I’m sorry Spock, I can’t talk right now, we’re going to go greet the Vulcan ambassador.” Jim said. 

”That’s precisely what I had wished to discuss-“ Spock said. 

”How does that Vulcan salute go?” McCoy requested. Spock paused to show him as they reached the room where the ambassador was boarding. “That hurts worse than the uniform.” Bones grumbled as Spock once again tried to get Jim’s attention. 

A couple walked into the ship. Spock avoided the gaze of his parents. He wished Jim would have listened to him. He wished he could have to told him. 

”Captain James Kirk.” Jim introduced himself with his typical charm. 

”Captain.” The ambassador greeted with a stoic nod. His eyes drifted to Spock, 

”My First Officer, Commander Spock.” Jim said, noticing the looks the couple had given him. 

”Vulcan honors us with your presence. We come to serve.” Spock bowed his head. 

”Your service honors us, Captain.” Sarek said, sparing a glance to Spock. 

”Thank you.” Jim nodded. “Chief Medical Officer Doctor McCoy.” 

”Ambassador.” McCoy put on his best smile, pushing down the vague distrust he had of Vulcans. 

”Doctor. My aides and she who is my wife.” Sarek held out his hand and performed a Vulcan kiss with the woman on his right. 

”Captain Kirk.” The woman greeted, a warm smile on her face. 

Jim noticed her smile, and realized she was either human or very comfortable with human culture. ”Our pleasure, madam. As soon as you're settled I'll arrange a tour of the ship. Mister Spock will conduct you.” It was only logical that the Vulcan be the guide for the Vulcans. 

”I'd prefer another guide, Captain.” Sarek said, in a way that was cold even for a Vulcan. 

Jim raised an eyebrow, almost offended on Spock’s behalf. “As you wish, Ambassador. Mister Spock, we'll leave orbit in two hours. Would you care to beam down and visit your parents?” Jim put a hand on Spock’s arm, smiling at him. 

Spock cleared his throat, looking down. “Captain, Ambassador Sarek and his wife are my parents.”

”Oh.” Jim said. He cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. “Apologies for my…lack of knowledge.” 

”I did try to inform you, Captain.” Spock said. 

”Yes, I realize that now.” Jim forced out a laugh, feeling extremely awkward. Fortunately, Vulcans didn’t experience awkwardness. “Would I be a sufficient guide?” He asked. 

Sarek was about to speak, but Amanda cut him off. “Yes, we’d be honored, Captain.” She said quickly. “Thank you.” 

”Anything for the parents of my astounding first officer.” Jim responded, shooting a smile back at Spock. 

”I’ll be in engineering, Captain.” Spock quickly turned and headed out. 

”You do not need to praise him for our sake, Captain.” Sarek said. 

”Oh, I’m not.” Jim shook his head. “Spock makes me a better captain. He is an exemplary first officer and very deserving of praise.” Jim said, once again half offended on Spock’s behalf. 

”That’s good to hear.” Amanda once again spoke before Sarek got the chance to. “Can we begin the tour?” She asked. 

“Of course, right this way.” Jim nodded. 

The tour went about as smoothly as could be expected with a Vulcan who seemingly held the Enterprise (and the love of Jim’s life) in distaste. 

”This is the engineering section. There are a number of emergency back-up systems for the main controls. Over here are a number of control computers.” Jim said, gesturing around the room. His eyes however, were locked on Spock who was soon cornered by his mother. 

”After all these years among humans, you still haven't learned to smile.” She said with a sad sort of smile. 

”Humans smile with so little provocation.” Spock commented. He hesitated for a moment before he continued. “And I do smile. Just not for no reason.” Almost against his will, his eyes wandered over to where Jim was. 

Amanda took notice of this. “You haven't come to see us in four years, either.” 

”The situation between my father and myself has not changed.” Spock responded. 

”My wife, attend.” Sarek called. 

”Mister Spock. A moment, if you please.” Jim called, glancing over to Spock. 

”Yes, Captain?” 

”Explain the computer components.” Jim said, looking at Spock proudly. 

”I gave Spock his first instruction in computers, Captain. He chose to devote his knowledge to Starfleet instead of the Vulcan Science Academy.” Sarek’s gaze was icy and Jim felt a fire burn within him. He was becoming extremely frustrated with this Sarek. 

”If you will excuse me, Captain.” Spock said, turning back around. 

”I'm sorry, Ambassador. I did not mean to offend. I thought that-“ Jim began. 

”Offense is a human emotion. I'm returning to my quarters. Continue, my wife.” Sarek turned and left the room. 

“Mrs. Sarek, I just don't understand.” Jim sighed. 

”Amanda. I'm afraid you couldn't pronounce the Vulcan name.” She offered a terse smile. 

”Can you?” Jim asked with a teasing smile. 

Amanda returned the smile. “After a fashion, and after many years of practice. Shall we continue the tour? My husband did request it.” 

”Of course.” Jim nodded. He glanced over at her as they started back down the corridors. “So…what was Spock like as a child? Has he always been the picture of logic and control he is now?” 

”I’m not sure he’d appreciate me telling you baby stories.” Amanda smiled. 

”Spock is my best officer, and my best friend.” Jim said. “Why does Sarek treat him like that?” 

“You don't understand the Vulcan way, Captain. It's logical. It's a better way than ours. But it's not easy. It has kept Spock and Sarek from speaking as father and son for eighteen years.” Amanda tried to explain. “And I'm glad he has such a friend. It hasn't been easy on Spock. Neither human nor Vulcan. At home nowhere except Starfleet.“ She smiled slightly. 

”I take it they disagreed on Spock’s choice of career.” Jim said softly. 

“Yes.” Amanda said softly. “Sarek had wanted him to follow the same path he had.” 

”Is he where Spock got his stubbornness from?” Jim asked fondly. 

”Stubbornness is a human trait, Captain.” Amanda said with a smile. “But between the two of us, yes.” 

Jim laughed. “I have never met a man more stubborn than Spock. Although McCoy may be on equal playing fields.” 

”I hope his stubbornness doesn’t make you like him any less.” She said. 

”On the contrary.” Jim responded easily. “I find it quite endearing on Spock.” He paused for a moment. “Though truth be told, there is very little I find about him that doesn’t endear me to him.” 

Amanda was practically brimming with joy at Jim’s statements. She had seen the way Spock had looked at Jim. And now the way Jim talked about Spock. After a moment in comfortable silence, she spoke again. “You know, Captain, many hold the false belief that Vulcans make tedious partners to non-Vulcans. But in my experience, they can be very loving, tender, romantic,” Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “And quite talented in the bedroom.” She lowered her voice and spoke in an amused tone. 

Jim forced out a laugh. His boyfriend’s mom was trying to tell him to sleep with her son. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from announcing their relationship to her right there. It was clear she had already figured out that they had feelings for one another. But Jim knew he couldn’t do this. Spock should be the one to tell his parents. “I see.” Jim said awkwardly leading her into another room. 

* * *

After a moment of quiet in their quarters, Amanda felt the need to speak up. “I believe our son may have a romantic interest in the Captain.” She said softly.

Sarek raised an eyebrow. “What has brought you to that conclusion?” 

”The way he looks at him.” Amanda responded. “Like a man dying of thirst looks at a glass of water, or a drowning man looks at a boat, or how he used to look up at the stars when he was little.” She said, reaching out to touch her husband’s hand. “Remember how he’d gaze up at those stars, like he was trying to decipher the meaning of the universe. Like there was something out there he was searching for.” She smiled sadly. “You should have known it would always be Starfleet.” 

”It was an illogical choice.” Sarek responded. 

”Spock is Vulcan, and he loves Vulcan, but Vulcan did not love him.” Amanda said, squeezing her husband’s arm. “There he was not Vulcan enough.” 

”And here he is not human enough.” Sarek said coldly. “There will never be a place that accepts him fully as he his.” 

”Perhaps not a place.” Amanda agreed sadly. “But I believe there may be a person.” Sarek raised his eyes to meet hers. “The Captain seems to be in love with Spock.” She smiled. “He spoke to me at length about him, asking questions, sharing stories, telling me just how much he appreciates him. How he finds many of Spock’s traits and quirks endearing.” 

”He is no longer bonded to T’Pring. Spock may do as he choses.” Sarek said. 

”He won’t say it, but he will want your approval.” Amanda sighed, entwining her fingers with her husbands. 

Sarek stayed a moment in silence. “There are certainly those less worthy than a highly venerated Starfleet Captain.” He mused softly. 

That was basically a glowing endorsement as far as Amanda was concerned. She smiled widely, leaning up to press a quick kiss to her husband’s cheek. “I’m glad you approve.” 

* * *

During a rare moment of calm, Jim pulled Spock aside. “Spock, I think your mom is trying to set us up.” He said with a look that was half amusement and half embarrassment.

”What do you mean?” Spock asked. 

”When I was giving her the tour after your father left, she began to imply that she thought I should make a move on you.” Jim chuckled, pressing a Vulcan kiss to Spock’s hand. 

”What did she say?” Spock asked, the tips of his ears flushing green. 

”She just made sure I knew that Vulcans do have a romantic side.” Jim smiled slightly. Spock let out a relieved sigh before Jim spoke again. “Oh and she also wanted me to know that Vulcans are quite capable and passionate lovers.” 

Spock’s face was dusted with green as his gaze locked onto their hands. He cleared his throat slightly. “I see.” 

“Huh.” Jim smiled slightly. “I thought Vulcans didn’t get embarrassed.” 

“I am half human.” Spock said softly. 

”I think we should tell them.” Jim said. “Maybe right before they depart so if they disapprove they have to leave right after.” Jim chuckled. 

”It seems my mother already approves.” Spock said with a raised eyebrow. 

”That it does, Mr. Spock.” Jim smiled, pressing a kiss to Spock’s hand.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Thanksgiving y’all! Hope you enjoy and if you do, let me know. You know I appreciate it!

The Enterprise dissolved into chaos. There was a murder, Sarek had a heart attack and someone tried to kill the Captain.

McCoy looked at Jim with a shake of his head. “It's a bad wound. Punctured left lung. A centimetre or so lower, it'd have gone through the heart.” 

Spock stared at his Captain with a silent fury in his eyes. “I'll be in the brig questioning the Andorian prisoner.” He was furious. This was different than so many other occasions where the Captain was in danger. Now Jim was his. Now he had the chance to punish the person accordingly. 

McCoy grabbed his arm. “Spock, your father is much worse. There's no longer a choice. I have to operate immediately. We can begin as soon as you're prepared.” 

”No, Doctor.” 

McCoy was floored by the response. “What?” 

”My first responsibility is to the ship.” His first responsibility was to Jim. “Our passengers' safety is by Starfleet order of first importance. We are being followed by an alien, possibly hostile, vessel. I cannot relinquish command under these circumstances.” Spock said. 

”You can turn command over to Scotty.” McCoy argued. 

”On what grounds, Doctor?” Spock demanded. “Command requirements do not recognise personal privilege. I'll be in the brig interrogating the Andorian.” 

* * *

”Spock. You must turn command over to someone else. Any competent officer can command this ship. Only you can give your father the blood transfusions that he needs to live.” Amanda said storming into Spock’s quarters. 

”Mother, I took an oath to carry out responsibilities which were clearly and exactly specified. Any competent officer can command this ship under normal circumstances. The circumstances are not normal. We're carrying over one hundred valuable Federation passengers. We're being pursued by an alien ship. We're subject to possible attack. There has been murder and attempted murder on board. I cannot dismiss my duties.” 

”Duty?” Amanda scoffed. “Your duty is to your father!” 

”And my ship. And my t’hy’la.” Spock said quickly. “I have many duties, but this one cannot take precedent right now.” 

Amanda looked taken aback. “Your…your Captain is…” 

”Yes, mother.” Spock said, looking down. 

”Spock…” Amanda reached forward, touching his elbow. “Your father is dying.” 

”I know.” Spock lowered his eyes. “But I have a responsibility to my Captain and my ship.” 

”He is your father.” Amanda insisted. “His life should be more important to you. You do have human in you. If you love Jim you have to. If being Vulcan is more important to you, then you'll stand there speaking rules and regulations from Starfleet and Vulcan philosophy, and let your father die. And I'll hate you for the rest of my life.” 

Spock squeezed his eyes shut. “Mother.” 

”Go to him.” She pleaded, squeezing his arm. 

”I cannot.” Spock said. Amanda slapped him hard across the face, before she stormed out of the room. Spock felt such great anguish and misery in his soul, but he knew what he had to do. 

* * *

When Jim woke up the first words out of his mouth were “Where’s Spock? Is he alright” 

“He won’t let me operate.” McCoy grumbled. 

”Why not?” Jim demanded. 

”When you became injured, Spock assumed command. He's going to stay there until you're back on your feet, even if it costs Sarek his life. Regulations.” Bones huffed. 

Jim let out a sigh, sitting up. “I can't damn him for his loyalty, for doing his duty. It’s what I love about him, but I'm not going to let him commit patricide.” 

”Jim, if you stand, you could start to bleed again.” Bones warned. 

”Bones, Sarek will die without that operation, and you can't operate without transfusions from Spock.” Jim said with a stern frown. “I'll convince Spock I'm all right and order him to report here. As soon as he leaves the bridge, I'll turn command over to Scotty and report to my quarters. Will that fill your prescription?” 

”Fine.” Bones grumbled. 

* * *

“Captain?” Joy lit up Spock’s eyes as he saw Jim step onto the bridge.

”I’m fine, Spock. I’ve been certified fit for command. Go with McCoy to the medbay. That’s an order.” He patted Spock’s shoulder. “I’ll see you as soon as you get out.” He promised softly. 

”Alright, Jim.” Spock nodded hesitantly. 

* * *

“Bones!” Jim exclaimed, rushing into the medbay. “Bones, how are they?” 

”Are you quite done shaking up the ship?” McCoy demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. 

”Bones, how is Spock?” He demanded. 

”He’s fine, you worrywart.” McCoy said as Amanda beckoned them in. “Vulcan stubbornness. They wouldn’t have pulled through without it.” 

After discussing the murder and intrigue that had occurred on board, Amanda turned to her husband. “Sarek, say thank you to your son.” 

”Why?” He quirked an eyebrow. 

”For saving your life!” Amanda huffed. Jim frowned, moving to sit beside Spock’s bed. 

“It was the only logical course of action.” Sarek said.

”Ugh! Logic! I’m sick of it!” Amanda snapped. “Do you know where you can put your logic?” 

”Emotional, isn’t she?” Spock mused, the hint of a smile playing around his lips. 

“Jim, you need to get into a bed.” Bones scolded. 

”No, I’m fine here.” Jim argued. 

“Jim if you keep arguing with your kindly family doctor, you're going to spend your next ten days right here. If you co-operate, you'll be out in two.” Bones said. 

”He can take this one, and I’ll go back to my station.” Spock said quickly, starting to scoot out of bed. Jim climbed in, although he grabbed at Spock’s arm. 

”Not so fast, hobgoblin.” Bones said. “This is your station for right now. And get out of there Jim! Have you no shame? His parents are right there.” Bones shook his head, grabbing Jim by the arm and pulling him away from Spock. 

”I’ll sneak over soon, sweetie.” Jim called to Spock a grin on his face. 

Spock sighed, getting back into the bed. He glanced at his father, a flush tinging his cheeks. “Father, Jim is my t’hy’la. We are not yet bonded, but we are in a relationship.” 

Sarek nodded. “Your mother had suspected as much. I suppose there are benefits to human emotionality.” The Vulcan sort of smile ghosted over Sarek’s lips as he looked over at his wife.

”Indeed.” Spock agreed, glancing at his own human, who was grinning back at him like a fool, while McCoy grumbled, cursed, and fussed over him.

* * *

Once the last diplomat had parted for Babel, Jim called a meeting for the crew. He described it as a sort of debriefing for their next job, but that wasn’t exactly true.

”Hello crew.” Jim offered an awkward smile to the crew that had been able to make the meeting. “Now this isn’t necessarily important, but I believe it’s important to be transparent with the crew. I have recently entered into a very serious relationship. With Mr. Spock here.” The room immediately burst into conversations, to which Jim raised his hand to silence. “I will be willing to answer some questions that don’t overstep any boundaries. Although for every question you ask Spock, he gets to perform one experiment on you.” Jim teased. 

“I was not planning on that being the punishment, but I am not opposed to new test subjects.” Spock said thoughtfully.

”Alright.” Jim smiled at Spock. “Back to work now.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally I wasn’t expecting this chapter to end up like this, but I’m pretty happy with it. Hope you enjoy!

“Jim!” Uhura called as he stepped down from the podium. She sped over to him. “I have so many questions for you.” She said, smiling. “How long have you two been together?” 

”Almost nearing three months now.” Jim smiled. Spock stood by his side, acting as if he was completely unfazed by the events of the day. 

”Well I imagine you were the first to confess, what happened?” She asked curiously. 

”Actually…” A small smile lit up Jim’s face. “It was Spock that confessed first. On a mission, someone noticed his regard for me and spoke to him about it. Later I asked what the conversation was about and the truth came out.” 

”Romantic.” Uhura said, unimpressed. 

”I think it was.” Jim responded, wanting nothing more than to reach out and give Spock a Vulcan kiss. 

”So no more sleeping around?” Uhura raised an eyebrow. 

”Spock understands that there are moments during missions where I’m required to flirt my way out.” Jim said, returning her raised brow. “But other than those fuck or death moments, I am completely monogamous.” Jim said, putting a hand on Spock's shoulder. Glancing over he could see the green tint visible on the tips of Spock’s ears. “And I want no one else.” 

”Sex is that good, huh?” Uhura teased, making the flush more visible on Spock’s face. 

”None of your business, Lieutenant.” Jim responded, quickly. 

“Wait…have you-“ 

”That’s enough, Lieutenant.” Jim said quickly. He started to walk away quickly, his face slightly flushed as well. 

”You did not need to answer any of her questions.” Spock said quietly once they were out of the room and alone in a corridor. 

”Nyota’s our friend.” Jim let out a sigh. I hadn’t expected…that. Although I guess I should have.” He mused softly, as the pair entered Jim’s quarters.

”Although I am curious.” Spock began. 

”Curious about what, honey?” Jim responded, pulling his formal uniform shirt over his head and stretching out. 

”Is it that good?” Spock’s voice was low and sultry. Jim’s heart immediately went into overdrive as he glanced over his shoulder at Spock. 

”Why, Mr. Spock,” Jim mused softly, taking a few steps towards his t’hy’la. “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to seduce me.” He stood inches away from him, looking up into those warm dark eyes that he could lose himself in so easily. 

”That implies I haven’t already done so.” Spock responded with a raised eyebrow and a tilt of his head. 

”Oh no, Spock. I hope my announcement made it quite clear.” Jim brought his hands up to the collar of Spock’s formal uniform. He took his sweet time undoing the zipper and slipping the shirt off, leaning up and kissing Spock gently. He smiled into the kiss as Spock was left in only his black undershirt. Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s torso. “And by the way…” Jim took one of Spock’s hands and pressed a Vulcan kiss to it. “Yes, it is that good.” He said with an amused smile.

* * *

Jim laid his head on Spock’s chest. He still found it a bit odd that he couldn’t really hear his heartbeat from this position. Jim entwined their fingers together, sending all the love he felt through the contact. “Spock, you know…we’re have a mission around Earth set up in a couple of weeks. I was thinking that maybe I’d talk to Starfleet about getting some shore leave for the crew.” He changed his position so he could more easily gauge Spock’s reaction.

”I believe that would be advantageous for the crew. It has been close to two months since the last official shore leave.” Spock said, managing to keep his logical Vulcan tone despite his utterly debauched appearance. 

Jim let out a sigh, laying his head back on Spock’s chest and his eyes locking into their hands. “I was thinking…we could go to Iowa.” He said softly. “You said you wanted to go. You could meet my mom. I mean shit Spock I was thinking we could even maybe-“ 

Spock kissed Jim’s head. “Yes.” 

Jim let out a soft laugh. “You don’t even know what I was getting ready to say.” 

”It does not matter.” Spock responded. “Yes. Bring me to Iowa. We will do whatever pleases you most.” 

”Spock, I was gonna ask if you’d do a human marriage ceremony.” Jim said. 

”Oh.” Spock’s voice grew quiet. 

”It doesn’t have to be a big deal.” Jim said quickly, nervous due to Spock’s sudden state of calm. “And human marriages are a bit easier to get out of than Vulcan bonds. Normally there’s a ring.” Jim added, untangling his hands from Spock’s. “I didn’t get you one cause I figured you probably wouldn’t be comfortable with a ring on your finger all the time.” He continued to ramble. “It could be as small or as big as you want it to be. We could tape it for your mom. Of course if you don’t want to, we don’t have to.” He finished, avoiding the gaze of the Vulcan he was laying on. He hoped Spock couldn’t hear his heartbeat with his advanced hearing. 

”Yes.” Spock said softly. 

”Yes?” Jim glanced up nervously at Spock. 

”Yes.” Spock repeated, cupping Jim’s face and kissing him softly. “I am…honored that you wish to share this part of your culture with me.” He kissed Jim again. “Tell me what must be done and I will do it for you, t’hy’la.”

”Well…most important is writing vows to say to the other person.” Jim responded. “There’s a lot of other stuff, but I can explain it in the morning.” He smiled up at Spock. “Goodnight ashayam.” 

”Goodnight honey.” Spock returned fondly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I love romantic bullshit. Also fair warning, I’ve never been to Iowa so Idk 100% what it’s like. I’m more combining my limited knowledge of Iowa and my experience of living in a small rural town for most of my life.  
> Apologies if I mess up ur state. (If I do the I guess Iowa apology! Ba dum crash)

“Are you ready sweetheart?” Jim asked softly, taking Spock’s hand in his. 

”We’re only going down to Earth right now.” Spock responded, squeezing Jim’s hand. 

”Still.” Jim said. “We’re gonna be down there and then it’s straight to Iowa and getting a few things ready.”

”Have you written your vows, Jim?” Spock asked curiously. 

“Yes, I have.” Jim nodded. “And my mother’s very excited to finally meet you.” 

”I am also looking forward to making her acquaintance.” Spock said. 

Jim and Spock transported down to Earth with most of their crew. Then they got on a shuttle with those that were coming to the wedding. Jim and Spock sat next to one another. Their shoulders pressed together in the shuttle. 

”I can’t believe it.” Uhura said softly. She shook her head as she looked at the couple. “I knew it was coming, just…so soon.” 

”I’ve wasted enough time not letting myself love him.” Jim said softly, looking at Spock as though the meaning of life was written on his face. 

“The sentiment is shared.” Spock nodded. Most people would see him and see nothing in his stoic face and manner, but the crew knew differently. They saw sonnets written on his face, all directed towards Jim. His face screamed “I love you,” in the most logical, Vulcan way possible. Two eyebrows raised slightly, the corners of his mouth tilted upward, he was practically beaming.

The shuttle emptied steadily, people getting off at different states or airports, until it was Spock and Jim left with a few stragglers. “Look ashayam.” Jim mused softly, reaching out and entwining his fingers with Spock's. “Iowa.” 

It was not exactly as Spock had envisioned it. It was night. What he had expected to be a land of golds, was currently bathed in dark blues. Yet as they stepped off the shuttle, he knew they were in the right place, as Jim looked up at the sky and smiled as if it were an old friend. The moonlight bathed his face in a silver glow, making him seem so much paler than usual. 

”Ya know that’s one of the things I like about it here.” Jim said, his eyes locked above him. “So many stars out here, it’s almost like you’re on an observation deck. But instead of the hum of the ship we have crickets.” 

A gust of wind blew past them and although Spock didn’t show it, Jim knew it was much colder than he was used to. “Come on, honey.” He smiled, bringing Spock’s knuckles to his lips before leading him into the cabin they had rented out. It was a quaint place just outside of a cornfield. It had been built in the twentieth century and renovated a couple of times since then, but it still had that same rustic spark that it held so many years ago. Jim led Spock to take a seat on a couch as he rummaged through the closet for a blanket. He found one with relative ease and immediately draped it over his fiancé’s shoulders. “Better?” 

”I believe I would be warmer if you sat with me.” Spock said with a raised eyebrow. 

“So direct, Mr. Spock.” Jim teased, sitting beside Spock and covering his shoulder with the blanket. “I’d almost think you were trying to seduce me.”

”Trying?” Spock responded, note of offense in his voice. 

”And succeeding.” Jim smiled, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to Spock’s lips before he rested his head against Spock’s chest. Sometimes the lack of a heart beat in his chest still startled him. He wrapped a hand around Spock’s waist, pressing the palm of his hand to where the heart was beating away steadily. He let out a contented sigh. 

”Iowa is not exactly how I expected it.” Spock admitted after a moment passed in comfortable silence. 

”What do you mean?” Jim responded. 

”I had expected all shades of gold. I expected it to match you.” He said. “Instead the colors were complementary. Dark blues and stars. It still suited you. Everything does.” He mused. 

”Tomorrow I’ll take you out back to the cornfields and show you more of what you were expecting.” Jim smiled. “You’ve got your beanie right? It’s a little chilly out here.” 

”I do, Jim. You made me aware it would be lower temperatures than I’m used to.” Spock nodded. “Besides I am also aware of your fondness of my beanie.” He responded with a raised eyebrow. 

”Vulcan ears are sensitive and adorable.” Jim leaned up and pressed a kiss to the pointed tip of Spock’s ear. “I’d hate to them go because you refuse to complain.” He said, smiling slightly at the flush gathering at the tips of his ears. 

”Are you prepared for our upcoming nuptials?” Spock asked fairly quickly changing the subject. 

”I am, unless I decide to rewrite my vows at three am again.” Jim let out a soft chuckle. “I wanna say the right thing to you, ashayam.” 

A smile crossed Spock’s face at the Vulcan term of endearment. “Jim, if you just call me ashayam, or your t’hy’la, that would be enough.” He touched Jim’s cheek, pouring love through the touch. 

”Shit honey, you don’t have to say anything at all and I’m yours immediately.” Jim chuckled, leaning into the touch. 

Spock leaned in and kissed Jim lightly for a moment, allowing himself to revel in the perfection of the moment. He pulled away and he saw the stars reflected in Jim’s eyes. Spock had travelled through space for so many years, and yet he had never seen the stars like that. Usually the stars gave him a grander feeling. Reminded him how small he was and how big the universe was. However this was simpler. It was intimate, and the universe was right there in front of him. Spock leaned in and kissed him again.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not positive how confident I feel about this. Hopefully you enjoy? And if you do let me know!

Spock’s eyes opened the next morning. He looked down at his sleeping fiancé on his chest. The sun filtered in through the window, giving the room a warm glow. This was the Iowa he expected. Everything golden. Jim looked like an old Terran version of an angel. Spock could stare at him like this for hours. The gentle rise and fall of his chest. 

Spock reached out and pushed a strand of hair away from Jim’s face, his fingers trailing down his cheek, running along his bottom lip. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning down, pressing a gentle kiss to Jim’s lips. 

Jim stirred slightly, letting out a soft breath as he felt Spock above him. “Oh.” His lips twitched into a smile. “Good morning honey.” He let his arms snake around Spock’s neck. “I love sleeping in the same bed as you.” He buried his face in Spock’s neck. “I love waking up with you.” He took a deep breath before pressing a kiss to his neck. “There’s nothing better.” 

”Once we have our marriage ceremony, we will be able to live in shared quarters.” Spock responded, running his fingers through Jim’s hair. 

”Can’t wait.” Jim smiled up at Spock, kissing him slowly. After a moment, he pulled away. “I’m gonna go make some breakfast. Join me when you want, sweetheart.” Jim rolled out of bed, grabbing a pair of boxers from his suitcase and starting towards the kitchen. Spock leaned up on his elbow, watching him appreciatively from behind as he left. Spock sighed, rolling out of bed himself and grabbing his own underwear. He followed where Jim went.

Spock walked up behind Jim and wrapped his arms around his waist. “What are you making, ashayam?” He asked, pressing a kiss to Jim’s neck. 

”Soy bacon for you, normal bacon for me, pancakes for both of us.” Jim smiled over his shoulder. 

“Hm.” Spock hummed, burying his face into Jim’s neck and taking a deep breath. “I don’t believe I’ve ever had pancakes before.” He mused. 

“Really?” Jim asked. “You’re gonna love them.” He promised.

They ate breakfast together and Spock felt more at peace than he had in a long time. Afterwards they both got dressed in their street clothes. Jim was in flannel and jeans. Spock would have been in his robes, but they weren’t really made to keep people warm. So Jim has bought Spock a sweater, jeans and a jacket. Jim took Spock’s beanie in hand as they walked towards the door. He leaned up to put it on Spock, gently making sure that his ears were covered. Jim looked at him fondly before they started out. 

Jim pulled Spock through an opening path in the cornfields. After a moment of walking along in comfortable silence, Jim spoke up. “It’s not really a maze, but I think it’s pretty nice.” Jim smiled back at Spock, their hands entwined behind them. “Besides, didn’t you say once you wanted to see me in the cornfields? Something about feeling like I belong here?” Jim turned, a crooked grin on his face as he paused. And the time he stopped was perfection. The sun was directly behind his head, giving him a heavenly glow and making him look like a painting of an old Terran angel. 

”You do look like it.” Spock said softly. He fought back the urge to drop to his knees in prayer, like those human men of old. “Not that you don’t belong on the Enterprise.” Spock said, tilting his head slightly. “Just that…I can see this place has a place in your heart.” Spock mused. 

”And it does.” Jim nodded. “Although if you go getting jealous of a place, I’m calling off the wedding.” Jim teased. 

Spock was only half listening to what Jim was saying now. Jim’s eyes were shifting colors in the sunlight. His cheeks were flushed with the chill in the air. His hair was still slightly mussed from sleep, and the collar of his flannel was slightly askew. His hands were in his pockets, and his eyes were lowered, a smile plastered on his cheeks. 

He reached out and touched his cheek reverently. “Jim.” Spock said, his voice carrying a hint of awe that Jim didn’t quite understand.

”What is it?” Jim stepped closer, covering the hand on his cheek with his own, before removing it and placing Spock’s hand between his own. He ran his fingertips gently over Spock’s fingers. 

Spock let out a shuddering breath. That was the last straw. He closed the distance between himself and Jim, putting his hands firmly on his waist. He pressed his lips against Jim’s, desperately.

Jim reacted quickly, kissing back. He pressed his body flush against Spock, wrapping his arms around his neck. Spock responded by nipping at Jim’s lower lip, and slipping his hands into Jim’s back pockets.

Jim pulled away slightly, feeling a little lightheaded. “What’s all this for?” 

”We don’t have time for a traditional honeymoon after our wedding.” Spock said, pressing a kiss to Jim’s jawline. 

”You wanna fuck in a corn field?” Jim raised an amused eyebrow, tilting his head back to allow Spock access to his neck. 

”Do you find the idea distasteful?” Spock asked, sucking on Jim’s neck as he squeezed his ass. 

”Not at all.” Jim said quickly in a breathy voice, starting to undo the buttons on his shirt. “Happy honeymoon, sweetie.” 

”Happy honeymoon, ashayam.” Spock responded, kissing him again with even more fervor than before. 

* * *

Jim smiled at Spock. “God I love you so much.” He kissed him lightly. “I don’t know who else would want to fuck me in a cornfield.” He laughed softly.

”I’d also like to sleep with you on Vulcan.” Spock mused. 

Jim laughed. “That can be our honeymoon after our Vulcan bonding ceremony.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Parents Part 2: Earth boogaloo  
> I think this chap might be a little shorter than usual? But the next chapter’s gonna be the wedding so it might be a little longer than usual. Maybe not. I have no idea lmao. Hope you enjoy!

Jim and Spock sat on a loveseat, facing Winona Kirk, an older woman with blond hair interspersed with grey streaks. After the initial introductions, a silence grew and stretched out to the point where even Spock knew it was awkward and uncomfortable. 

“So…” Winona cleared her throat. “Spock, why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself. Jim doesn’t tell me anything. I didn’t even know he was engaged until he told me y’all were coming for a wedding.” 

“Well,” Spock thought for a moment before continuing. “I am Jim’s first officer aboard the Enterprise, as well as the head science officer. I am half Vulcan, and half human.” He glanced at Jim. 

”He was the first Vulcan to refuse the Vulcan Science Academy in favor of Starfleet.” Jim added, looking proudly at Spock. “He’s saved my life more times than I can count.” 

”Jim has saved mine only slightly fewer times. He is more reckless than I-“ 

”You’ve done some pretty stupid shit to try and protect me.” Jim said with a raised eyebrow. 

”Exactly. To protect you.” Spock responded with a raised eyebrow of his own. 

”It’s not always necessary.” Jim grumbled looking away. Spock pressed his fingers to Jim’s in a conciliatory manner. 

Winona smiled. She was happy Jim had found someone that made him so happy. She had begun to worry that Jim would never find someone. “So how long have you two been together?” 

”Approximately five Terran months.” Spock said with a nod. 

”You mean…that’s how long you’ve been engaged for, right?” Winona asked with a forced smile. 

Jim opened his mouth to speak, but Spock responded first. “No, that has been the span of our official relationship.” He said. 

Winona’s mouth turned into a hard line. “Five months?” She turned her gaze to her son. “Really Jim, five months? Don’t you think you’re rushing into this? It was years before Sam got engaged.” 

”Mom.” Jim frowned. “Why does it matter? I love him, more than anything.” 

”It’s only been five months!” She exclaimed. “You don’t know anything at five months!” 

“It’s different than that.” Jim insisted. “We have a special Vulcan bond.”

”Really? You believe that?” She raised an eyebrow. 

”Vulcans don’t lie.” Spock said, his lips tight. 

”But you’re half-Vulcan.” Winona responded. 

”Hey!” Jim exclaimed. “Spock, sweetie, I’m sorry. Do you mind if I talk to my mom alone for a second?” He asked. 

Spock nodded, rising to his feet. He paused. Then he turned back to Jim. He leaned down and kissed him softly. “I love you, Jim.” He murmured softly. 

”I love you too.” Jim chuckled up at Spock. 

Winona watched Spock leave. She turned to Jim. “You really believe him?” 

”Of course I do! And mom, it’s not like I’m a stupid kid. Yeah, we’ve only officially been together for five months, but I’ve been in love with him for years.” He paused, moving over to kneel in front of her, taking her hand in his. “And…you know what I said…earlier. He’s saved my life more times than I can count.” He took a deep breath. “With us…tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. I know we’re meant to be. I’ve got proof from other universes. I wanna spend as much time with him as I can. We both deserve it.” 

Winona looked down at their hands. “He really loves you?” 

”I’ve seen it.” Jim said softly. “I’ve felt it, when we touch. He can’t hide his emotions when we touch. I know he loves me.” He assured her. “Mom, he kisses me in front of other people, do you know what a big deal that is for Vulcans?” 

“I guess.” She looked down. “I just…I want you to be happy.” She said softly. 

”I’m responsible for my own happiness.” Jim said. “And Spock is such a big part of it.” He took her other hand in his. “I’m gonna marry the shit out of him. And then we’re gonna go back to the ship. And when we get close to Vulcan, we’re gonna do a Vulcan bonding ceremony. And I’m gonna marry the shit out of him again. And that one is permanent.” 

She chuckled. “Alright, alright.” 

”You need to apologize to Spock.” Jim said softly. 

She nodded. “I will.” 

Jim stood, heading towards the door. “Honey? She’s got something to say to you.” He called to Spock. 

Spock entered the room, his hands behind his back. “Yes?” He asked stiffly. 

”I’m so sorry.” She said, standing and walking over to Spock. “I…I just wanted to make sure he knew what he wanted.”

”I find the implication that I would manipulate or force Jim into anything to be harmful.” Spock responded. His tone was cool, but there was fire in his eyes. Jim remembered how protective Vulcans tended to get for their partners. 

”I really am sorry.” Winona said. “You know how protective mothers can be, I’m sure.” 

”My mother fully supported our bonding before she knew of our relationship.” Spock responded. 

”That’s true.” Jim said to his mom. “She tried to talk to me about how Vulcans are better lovers.” 

Winona looked at him blankly before turning back to Spock. “I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. This is just all very fast…George and I were together for years before he finally proposed. And I half think that was because Sam was on the way at that point.” She looked down thoughtfully. “I’m sorry.” 

Spock nodded, looking away, his face still tense. “You are forgiven.” He paused for a moment. “As long as you refrain from implying that I would even be capable of harming my t’hy’la.” He added. 

”T’hy’la is the soulmate bond.” Jim explained. “It means friend, brother in arms, and lover.” 

”All at once?” Winona asked. 

Jim nodded, looking fondly at Spock. “All at once.” 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwwww yay! Hope you enjoy and if you do, let me know!

Jim wasn’t quite sure why Spock insisted on doing the ceremony outside. Sure it was pretty, but it was chilly even for Jim. And Spock’s formal robes weren’t exactly made with warmth in mind. They were made for the hot Vulcan atmosphere, not Iowa. 

”You alright Jim?” Bones asked in a hushed tone. “You know you can still back out if you want.” 

”No!” Jim snapped quickly. “I’m worried about Spock. It’s cold out.” 

”He’ll be fine for the ceremony.” Bones rolled his eyes. “I’m keeping my bit short and to the point. Y’all just can’t go on forever with the vows. And by that I mean you.” 

“Hey!” Jim huffed, adjusting his tux. “It’s my wedding day. Be nice.” 

”I’ve barely heard the hobgoblin speak for more than five minutes at a time. You however…” Bones trailed off. 

”We should’ve gotten Uhura to officiate.” Jim grumbled. 

Bones was about to retort when Uhura began to play the Vulcan lyre. Spock was walking down the makeshift aisle at his usual swift pace. His hands were held together behind his back and he was in black Vulcan robes. And although his face was as stoic as ever, Jim knew that Spock was as happy as he was. Spock arrived by Jim’s side, Jim reached out to brush their fingers together lightly. 

“Friends, today we’re here in the middle of a cornfield to join these two idiots in holy matrimony.” Jim and Spock both sent a glare to Bones, who did not seem to care. “I’m a close friend to both parties and I have to say…you can’t have one without the other. No captain without his first officer. They’re not the same apart, and they’re definitely better together.” He offered them a fond smile. “They’ve written their own vows for each other.” 

Jim took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll go first.” He smiled awkwardly up at Spock, whose gaze was locked intensely on his. “Spock, a long time ago, you said I almost made you believe in luck. To which I responded that you almost made me believe in miracles.” He glanced down. “It’s been a bit since then, but I’ve changed my mind. You definitely make me believe in miracles. Everything about you and about us is a miracle. We’ve been through so much together. Hell, I’ve been to an alternate universe and we were together there. You make me a better person, a more competent Captain, you’re everything I love about the universe and I wake up every morning absolutely astonished that you’re mine. Spock, I love you so much. And I’ll stay by your side as long you’ll have me.” Jim nodded to Spock, blinking tears out of his eyes. 

Spock reaches up and wiped the tears from Jim’s cheek. “There are many stories I could tell to express how much you mean to me, Jim.” He began. “I’ve chosen two in particular. First I wish to discuss the time I thought I had killed you.” There were some whispers in the crowd, but Spock ignored them. “Before then I had never been comfortable outwardly expressing any emotions. That’s not how Vulcans behave. But when I thought…I felt more sorrow and pain then I ever thought possible. And then you were back and I was overjoyed. No other being, nothing else in this universe or any other could have elicited this response from me.” Spock paused for a moment. “The second story is of the beginning of our relationship. A woman told me I belonged by your side, as if I always had been and always would be. And Jim, let me say, that is what I aim to do.” The smallest of smiles crept its way onto his lips. “With you Jim, I don’t have to be Vulcan or human, I can just be me. And I thank you for that. You are my one and only t’hy’la. And I…will stay by your side, as your first officer, husband, and friend, as long as you will have me.” 

”I think he got you beat, Jim.” McCoy said in a hushed tone. 

”Shut up Bones.” Tears of Joy were still falling onto Jim’s cheeks, although Spock had stopped wiping them away. 

”Alright.” Bones smiled. “Well we’re not doing rings, so I’ll just say, without further ado, with the power vested in me by the Federation, I know pronounce you hobgoblin and dumbass.” 

”Hey!” Jim laughed, tears still flowing freely. 

”I now pronounce you husbands.” McCoy smiled. “Now smooch, or high five, or whatever.” 

Jim reached his hand out to Spock, but Spock had decided to take Jim’s face in his hands and press a quick passionate kiss to his lips, much to the delight of the catcalling crew members. 

”I hope my vow was satisfactory, Jim.” Spock murmured against his lips, rubbing his thumbs over his cheeks. 

”Spock you have me blubbering like a fucking baby and you have to ask if they were satisfactory?” Jim let out a soft laugh. “I think you went on for longer than I did.” 

”Originally it was longer.” Spock admitted. 

”How could you say that much about me?” Jim couldn’t stop the smile on his face. 

”I love you.” Spock responded. 

”Honestly, it would’ve been a win if that was your vow.” Jim responded. 

”Yes, but I would not have made you cry.” Spock said, as the pair walked back down the aisle hand in hand. 

”You asshole, you wanted to see me cry!” Jim accused. 

”Merely a perk.” Spock responded as the pair entered the cabin while the others began to prepare the reception. 

”I want a divorce.” Jim said, but he was wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck. 

”I can feel your emotions through your touch.” Spock said, kissing Jim’s forehead. “You’re lying.” 

* * *

“Is it alright if we dance together?” Jim asked Spock softly before they walked out to their reception. “It’s a tradition for there to be a first dance, but if you don’t want to, you don’t have to.” Jim assured him quickly.

”No, Jim, I want to.” Spock assured him. 

They walked out arm in arm, to the applause of the friends they invited to the wedding. They walked together to the makeshift dance floor that was set up. Jim places both his hands on Spock’s shoulders, and Spock placed his on Jim’s waist as an old Earth ballad played above them. 

Jim hummed along with the man singing. “Fly me to the moon, and let me dance among the stars.” He sang softly. He rested his head on Spock’s shoulder. “I love you.” He said. 

”And I love you.” Spock responded.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write with Circus and Bread cause it’s already pretty gay and I wanted to make it gayer. I think this fic might be close to finished, another chapter or two Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy this chap

Jim detested missions like these. The ones where he could do nothing. The ones where he was forced to watch his best friends, including his husband, suffer. These were the worst parts about being a Starfleet Captain. If he could put all the pain onto himself he would. But no, instead he was forced to wait with some girl while the people he cared for were imprisoned, injured, possibly dying. 

When Spock inspected the bars for the hundredth time, McCoy spoke up. “Angry, Mister Spock, or frustrated, perhaps?” He raised a lazy eyebrow. 

”I'm merely testing the strength of the door.” Spock responded, focusing on the bars on the door and trying to ignore the annoying hum of the doctor. 

“For the fifteenth time. Spock.” McCoy let out a beleaguered sigh as he knelt beside Spock. “I know we've had our disagreements, jokes, I don't know. I mean hell I’m not often sure sometimes, but what I'm trying to say is-“ 

Spock’s voice was tense and short. “Doctor, I am seeking a means of escape. Will you please be brief?” 

Well, I'm trying to thank you for saving my damn life, you pointed-eared hobgoblin!” McCoy exclaimed, clearly exasperated with Spock’s attitude. 

Spock nodded, before speaking. “Of course. You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. You're welcome, I believe, is the correct response. However, Doctor, you must remember I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon, whatever I think of his skill, would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the Enterprise and therefore-“ 

McCoy was angry, tired, as well as bruised from the earlier battle. He was not dealing with Spock’s fucking logic right now. He grabbed Spock’s shirt and forced him to meet his gaze. “Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock?” He demanded. “You're more afraid of living.” He said the accusation with a strange sort of relish, it was clear he had been composing this speech for a while. “Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let some more of your human half peek out. That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, do you even know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling?” 

Spock wasn’t going to deal with McCoy’s accusations. “Really, Doctor?” He asked with his teeth clenched. He stood, pulling McCoy up with him and glowering down at him. “I wouldn’t know what to do with a ‘genuine, warm, decent feeling?’” Spock practically spat the words back at him. 

”Jim.” McCoy almost forgot sometimes just how much the Vulcan loved his Captain. 

”Doctor McCoy, I do fear my own death. Only because I know it will negatively affect him. I fear his death over mine. And every second I stand here convincing you that I am not a computer is another moment taken away from our potential escape, and our potential rescue of Jim.” Spock released McCoy and returned to inspecting the bars. “Just because I do not express myself or feel in the same way as you does not make me…any less.” Spock didn’t know where the words had come from. Where the feelings had come from. 

McCoy was a bit taken aback. “Spock…I’m sorry.” But Spock did not respond. 

* * *

Jim could not bring himself to eat or drink, though there was food and wine everywhere. 

”I am concerned.” The slave girl, Drusilla, spoke, watching him pace. “You do not eat or drink or take pleasure in my company.” 

”I am not hungry, nor thirsty, nor interested in your company.” Jim responded tersely. 

“What troubles you so?” She asked with a pretty frown as she perched herself on the bed. 

Jim did not know why he would tell her, but he did not know why he wouldn’t. “My best friend, and my husband, those are the men that were taken away and forced to battle. God only knows what might be happening to them now. I hope that in the end all will turn out alright, but the moments in between are torture.” 

“I do not wish to see you tortured in any way.” Drusilla rose from her place and walked over to Jim. She placed a hand on his chest and leaned up to kiss him. 

Jim quickly stepped away. “No, I just told you. My husband is down there somewhere. I love him too much. Don’t you understand?” He demanded. “Haven’t you ever loved someone with all of your being?” 

The girl shook her head. “I have only ever heard stories of a love like that.” She walked up to Jim again and took his hands in hers. “If your love is truly like the story books, then all will be well.” 

”I…thank you.” Jim sighed, allowing her to hold his hands for a moment longer before he pulled them away. 

* * *

“Jim!” McCoy exclaimed seeing their Captain sprinting down the hall towards their cell.

Jim shot the lock off of the cell door, quickly pulling out his communicator. “Scotty, you’ve got our coordinates? Three to beam up, and hurry.” 

”What happened Jim?” Bones asked. 

”What did they do to you?” Spock demanded, worry in his face. And Bones wondered how it was that he had never seen it before. How he never noticed just how much Jim brought the emotion out of Spock. 

“Enterprise to Kirk, ready to beam up three.” And they were gone. They were free and back aboard the Enterprise. 

”Jim, you are well?” Spock asked immediately turning his gaze onto the Captain. 

”I’m fine, Spock.” Jim smiled, offering his fingers to Spock. “And you?” 

”Fine as well.” Spock nodded his head, accepting Jim’s kiss. 

”I’m good too, thanks for asking.” McCoy said, rolling his eyes. 

”Jim, I believe you may need to speak with the doctor. Apparently he believes that I am unaware of what to do with positive emotions.” Spock said with a raised eyebrow following the doctor. 

”Really Bones?” Jim huffed. “You officiated our goddamn wedding! You’ve walked in on some of our ‘positive emotions!’” Jim exclaimed in frustration. “You gotta stop. Just cause he doesn’t express himself like us-“ 

”Doesn’t make him a computer, I know.” Bones rolled his eyes. “I just forget sometimes, is all. I’m sorry Spock.” 

Spock looked thoughtful for a moment. “Should I accept his apology Captain?” 

”Yes, we forgive you. But it’s not okay, Bones.” Jim responded, bring Spock’s hand to his lips. “Okay c’mon we need to go to the bridge now.” 

* * *

“Jim.” Spock said, sitting on the bed. He had meditated and Jim was preparing himself for bed.

”What’s up, honey?” 

”Jim, I’d like to request our bonding ceremony occur soon.” Spock said. “Our next mission is to Starbase 174, and from there it is merely a 5.7 day ride to Vulcan.” 

”Oh Spock, honey of course.” Jim smiled, walking over to the bed and taking Spock’s hands in his. “We did my tradition, I’m ready for yours.” 

”Thank you.” Spock nodded. “You are aware of what bonded life will be like, correct?” 

Jim sat beside him. “It’s kinda like a meld right? But you’re always sorta there.” 

”Parted from me, yet never parted.” Spock responded, bringing Jim’s hand to his lips. “Once the bond is in place, I will teach you certain mental shields. I have my own in place, so I am certain to not overwhelm you.” 

”You already overwhelm me, baby.” Jim smirked, leaning over and burying his face in Spock’s neck. 

Spock let out a short breath. “Jim. I wish to have you always with me. Even when it is not possible. I wish to always know whether or not you are alright.”

”I want that too.” Jim murmured. “To always know if you’re safe.” After a moment’s pause, Jim spoke again. “Will we be able to talk through it?”

”We will be able to communicate through the bond.” Spock nodded. 

”That’ll be nice.” Jim mused, tilting his head up to look at Spock. “I can’t wait to distract you all the time on the bridge when it’s boring.” 

”You’re always distracting.” Spock responded, pressing a kiss on Jim’s head.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas y’all! Hope it was a good one. Anyways enjoy!

“You sure you guys got it?” Jim asked Scotty and Sulu for what felt like the millionth time. 

Aye, it’s just a delivery Captain. There’s absolutely nothin’ to be worryin’ about.” Scott assured him. 

“It’s not even a dangerous delivery. We’re only transporting rations that coming back to get you.” Sulu added. 

”I know, I know, I just- I don’t like the thought of leaving my girl.” Jim said, looking up at the Enterprise. 

”She’s in good hands, Captain.” Scott said, holding back an eye roll. 

”I know. I wouldn’t trust her with anyone else Scotty. Except for Spock,” He added, glancing at his husband. “But well…he can’t exactly stay behind.” 

”We know. We got it.” Sulu said, patting Jim’s shoulder. “Jim, stop worrying. We’ve got your communicator on the off chance anything goes wrong. It’s the lowest risk mission possible. Go bond yourself to a Vulcan and enjoy yourself.” 

”Aye, but not too much.” Scott piped up with mischief in his eyes. “We can’t very well have our Captain going awol cause his honeymoon was too good.” 

Spock approached Jim, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Ashayam, the shuttle taking us to Vulcan has arrived.” He said softly. 

”Have fun.” Sulu grinned, waving as Jim and Spock gathered their suitcases and headed towards the shuttle. 

It was relatively small. There weren’t many other people onboard to Vulcan. There were several cabins with both seating and beds and a dining car in the middle. It was a nice set up, although Jim was almost certain he was gonna go stir crazy in the little ship. He stowed his and Spock’s bags underneath the seats in their cabin before he looked at his husband. “So, are you excited to see Vulcan again?” He asked, moving to sit beside Spock. 

”I am looking forward to it.” Spock said with a nod. “My last visit to Vulcan was quite…unsatisfactory.” He reached out and took Jim’s hand in his own, just to reassure himself that Jim was really still alive. “I look forward to replacing that negative trip with one that will be much more pleasurable.” 

Jim smiled, leaning to press a kiss to Spock’s cheek. “I can’t wait to see what an actual bonding ceremony looks like without all the combat bullshit.” He rested his head on Spock’s shoulder. “Of course I’m also looking forward to our little honeymoon.” He smiled. “Can you believe we get a whole week to ourselves before the Enterprise picks us up? Assuming Sulu doesn’t accidentally burn it to the ground.” Jim laughed nervously. 

“Sulu is quite competent.” Spock assured Jim. “And yes, it is most fortuitous that we were able to get so much time off. Although…” Spock pauses raising a suspicious eyebrow. “I hope you are not planning on spending all of our time off…indoors.” He lowered his voice slightly, so Jim understood what he meant. “Vulcan has many museums and natural wonders that we should take advantage of while we have the time.” 

“Of course!” Jim exclaimed. “I want to see as much of it as I can.” He lowered his voice. “Just so long as you can promise you’ll take advantage of something else while we have the time.” He winked. 

”The bonding ceremony is off.” Spock said, fondness visible in his face. 

”Too late. We’re already human married and on our way to Vulcan.” Jim hummed, leaning up to press a chaste kiss to Spock’s jaw. “It’s gonna take a lot to get rid of me now.”

“Good.” Spock nodded, the corners of his mouth tilting upwards ever so slightly. 

* * *

Jim had forgotten how hot Vulcan was. And how thin the air was. Luckily he had prepared and brought clothes that would be appropriate. Spock had even gotten him a few robes, one formal for the ceremony, one casual for their arrival.

”We will be staying at an inn, not far from my parents’ home.” Spock said as they waited for a car to pick them up. 

”Are we going to see the folks today or just tomorrow at the ceremony?” Jim asked. 

”They are not expecting us today. Mother wanted to give us time to ‘settle in and relax.’” Spock said. 

Jim smiled slightly. “Did she like the holos from the wedding?” 

”According to my father, she is quite fond of our vows. I believe she feels somewhat indebted to you.” Spock had his eyebrows raised slightly. 

”Why on Earth would she feel indebted to me?” Jim asked, feeling somewhat astounded. 

They got into the back of a car and gave it the address for the building they were staying at. “Simply put, she finds contentment in my contentment.” 

”Aw, babe, that’s the most roundabout way you’ve told me I make you happy.” Jim smiled teasingly. 

”You do, ashayam.” Spock offered a fond look to Jim’s smile. 

They took their bags out of the car as they arrived.They checked into the hotel and went to their room. Jim looked at Spock. “Okay honey, I wanna go out and walk around the desert and stuff, but I can’t do that in this.” He gestured to the Vulcan robes he had packed along. “Is it alright if I change into something I brought?” He asked, already rummaging through his suitcase. 

”Of course, ashayam.” Spock walked over to Jim and kissed his head. “I’m going to spend a moment meditating before we go.” Spock said, situating himself on the bed. 

It was just over ten minutes later when Jim got Spock’s attention. “Alright Spock, you ready?” 

Spock turned his gaze onto his husband and his future bondmate. “Jim.” Spock’s mouth was dry as he gazed at his scantily clad Captain. “What…are you wearing?” His eyes roamed over him hungrily. 

”What? It’s just cutoffs and a crop top.” Jim said with a shrug, clearly oblivious to the effect he was having on his partners. “It keeps me cool and I can move easier in them than in the robes.” Jim said, stretching as if to prove his point. 

Spock walked over to Jim quickly, taking him in his arms. “Jim, I’m afraid you can’t go out in those.” He said, his hands slipping beneath his waist to fully appreciate what the cutoffs did for Jim’s ass. 

”Oh yeah?” Jim smiled, draping his arms around Spock’s shoulders. “Is it too revealing for Vulcan?” 

”It is too revealing for everywhere, but our bedroom.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhhhh my first multi chap Star Trek fic done! I really liked writing it and I hope those of you thatve made it this far liked reading it! If so I’ve got some other Star Trek fics (one that is a multi chap in progress) you could check out.  
> Also I really wanted to thank the people that left comments! Especially those of you that have been in the fandom for such a long time! Y’all really made this fic much easier and more fun to write.  
> Final note: I don’t really know if there’s a certain way the bonding ceremony’s supposed to go, but I did my best lmao

Spock and Jim walked up to the humble manor of Ambassador Sarek and Lady Amanda, arm in arm. Amanda opened the door, a wide smile on her face. Sarek was standing in the main hall behind her.

”Spock, Jim.” Amanda said. She pressed the tips of her fingers against Spock’s in greeting. She glanced at Jim, uncertain of how he expected her to greet him.

Jim opened his arms to his mother-in-law and pulled her into a hug.

She smiled again, returning the embrace. “I love these Vulcans of mine, but sometimes I miss simple things like this.” She muttered, before she pulled away and returned to her husband’s side.

Sarek offered the Vulcan salute and received one in return from both Spock and Jim.

”I am glad you two chose to visit us.” Amanda said, leading the couple into a cozy sitting room. Spock and Jim sat down together on a couch while Amanda sat herself across from them. Sarek chose to stand behind his wife.

”I assume you are on Vulcan for business?” Sarek asked with a raised eyebrow. Jim smiled, seeing Spock reflected in that eyebrow.

“Incorrect, Father.” Spock said, offering his hand to Jim in a Vulcan kiss. “We are here for our bonding ceremony. Jim had suggested that we visit.”

“Thank you for thinking of us, Jim. I’m sure if it was only up to Spock, we’d only see him once every ten years.” Amanda chuckled, placing a hand on her husband’s arm.

”Of course. I was looking forward to see you again, Amanda.” Jim smiled. “Did you enjoy the holos we sent you from our Terran ceremony?”

”Yes, I was quite happy to see them. The vows were especially touching.” She glanced at her son. “Spock, I don’t think I’ve heard you admit to so many emotions since you were a child.” Sarek looked vaguely disapproving at this statement, but he said nothing and Spock couldn’t find it in him to care.

“When is the ceremony going to take place?” Amanda asked after a moment.

“This afternoon.” Jim offered. “I was a bit nervous about it, but Spock promised it’s a short thing.”

Amanda nodded. “The ceremony itself takes less than half an hour if I remember correctly.”

”Very short for something meant to last an eternity.” Jim joked.

”Terran weddings are quite long tedious affairs, and yet they are often quite short lived. Are they not?” Sarek retorted.

Amanda shot her husband a scolding look, but Jim laughed. “You are correct, Ambassador.”

The group passed about an hour together discussing various subjects, before Spock stood, prompting Jim to rise as well. “I believe it best we depart. The ceremony is planned to take place in a little over an hour.” Spock explained to his parents.

”By all means, go get ready.” Amanda smiled. “Enjoy the ceremony, and the rest of your vacation as well.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief as she bid them goodbye.

”Will do.” Jim chuckled. “I’ll make sure we visit next time we’re in the solar system.” He promised as they left the house.

 

* * *

Jim looked at the arena, trying to calm his racing heart. He couldn’t help the wave of nerves that washed over him at the sight of his near death experience. It wasn’t his only one, nor was it even the latest, but it was one of the most traumatizing. He glanced over at Spock.

Spock’s face was emotionless. Jim could only tell his distress in the hard line of his lips, the obvious strain in keeping his face a mask.

”Spock…” Jim said softly, almost hesitantly. Spock didn’t respond, but turned to meet his eyes. “I’m here. Nothing bad’s gonna happen this time.” He promised.

Spock nodded, he held his fingers out to Jim, who accepted them. “I love you.” Jim told him, pressing a kiss to Spock’s cheek. Spock walked up to the gong in the center of the arena and hit it, the noise reverberating through the arena as T’Pau approached. She was carried in, just as she had been before. T’Pau saluted them both, and Spock and Jim returned the action.

”Approach.” T’Pau commanded. She glanced between them. “You understand that this bond is difficult, if not impossible, to sever.” She said rather than asked, looking at Jim. “Your minds will be irrevocably linked.”

”I understand.” Jim said quickly.

T’Pau nodded. “The t’hy’la bond is a rare one. If you take care of it, it will deepen and strengthen over time. Thou both understand?” They nodded. “Kneel.” She directed. They did as they were told, kneeling, facing each other. “S’chn T’gai Spock, you may begin the meld.”

Spock looked at Jim, raising his hands to press his fingers delicately against his psi points. “Repeat after me. Parted from me but never parted. Touching and always touched. Thou shall remain with me always.”

Spock repeated the words. His eyes locking onto Jim’s that had fallen shut with the sensation. Jim could feel their minds meeting, just a brush at first, like the melds they had shared before. But as Spock repeated the words, the bond strength. It was like a kiss, a peck at first that was deepened as the words were spoken. Jim’s eyes fluttered. His head felt fuller than it had been, but it wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. He couldn’t help the smile that came across his face. He could feel Spock’s love, his happiness.

Spock was a bit dizzied. He knew what a bond felt like. He had had his bond with T’Pring for all those years, but this was a much deeper sense of satisfaction. Of course it helped that Jim was sending over all the love and contentment that he could. He removed his hand slowly, and Jim opened his eyes. He glanced up at T’Pau. “It’s done?”

She nodded. “Yes. The bond should be in place.”

”It is.” Spock nodded.

T’Pau offered another salute, and the Vulcans that had carried her in picked her up again and started off.

Jim looked at Spock, a grin crossing his face. “So this is it.”

”Indeed.” Spock did not smile, but Jim could feel his happiness just at the edge of his mind.

”Wait, wait, wait.” Jim situated himself on the sand. He furrowed his brows. _”Can you hear this?”_ Jim thought.

Spock chuckled. _”Yes, ashayam.”_

”That’s amazing.” Jim let out a laugh. He scooted forward, taking Spock’s face in his hands and pressing a kiss to his lips. “Do I need to learn how to put up barriers so I don’t overwhelm you?” He asked, pulling away slightly.

”You’ve already have a small barrier in place.” Spock commented. “I will help you strengthen it, if you so desire. But…later.” Spock said, leaning back up into the kiss. And in that moment a surge of emotions that weren’t his own flowed through Jim. Happiness, anticipation, desire, and love. So much love he thought he was about ready to burst. He could only hope that he was conveying the same amount of love to Spock.

”You are, ashayam.” Spock assured him. “You always have.”


End file.
